Things I am grateful for

[leftconfused]

I was thinking about this earlier and thought I would share.  Trying to extract the positive things that my r/s brought to me even though right now I am in a lot of pain.

1.  Staying and putting up with all the bs and even craving him for so long made me really look at myself and my childhood and why I did this.  I will be getting into therapy to work this out.  This will ultimately make me a better person in the long run.

2.  Until him I don't know if I've ever actually experienced falling in love in such an amazing way. I am hopeful it will happen again with someone that is not disordered. I don't even think I was ever in love with my ex-husband, we just got pregnant and I was like ok, we are a family. 

3.  Even though it didn't end well I am grateful for all the kindness I did experience with him.  Makes me realize what I really do and don't want in a man.  ( I spent 18 years with my ex-husband, my whole adult life.  This was my first serious relationship since)

4.  I know now how to spot all the signs of PD's and abusers early on.  I thought I did before, but this was something different.  I know this will never happen to me again.

5.  I was already a strong person, but I will come out of this even stronger and better!

6.  I learned to happy alone before him and I will be happy alone now.  I don't need a man.

What are some things you are grateful for?

[leftconfused]

Oh I forgot one more big thing!  I began recording our conversations.  He played guitar so I would frequently record on my phone so I could go back and listen to him play and coincidentally I ended up catching a couple of our pretty big arguments.  I was then able to go back and listen and know for sure that I did nothing wrong like he would say!  I tend to have a bad memory and also we would drink together so that would make things foggy for sure.  So he used that to his advantage and would gaslight the heck out of me.  This last fight in Feb I had recorded too and he flipped out over my tone of voice then continued to kitchen sink me with everything I had done wrong over previous months.  So happy I have this to go back and listen to and remind myself of the crazy I was dealing with and how I NEVER want to go back to that!

[FannyB]

Fab post leftconfused. It wasn't all bad and I pretty much concur with your findings from point 2 to 6 inclusive. Whether what I had was real or not, the first 6 months were so ridiculously good that I truly felt privileged to be in the relationship.  Don't want her back though!