Hi salal,
Welcome to the Parent's Board I'm so glad that you are here telling us some of the feelings you have about dealing with your daughter. You're right, the neediness is never ending nor what we do for them appreciated. Being a parent can be a thankless job sometimes... .and all the time. I hope one day your daughter will have a better perspective and see how much has been sacrificed for her as an adult to have a chance at a decent life for herself.
Do you think that it is time to set some boundaries and limits on what you are willing to do for her? The experts say that when we do for our BPD kids that which they can do for themselves we are enabling them and we are reinforcing their belief that they cannot do something themselves. Self esteem is built in part by accomplishing that which we did not think we could.
There is a very good resource recommended on this site in book form "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better" by Gary and Joy Lundberg. It teaches the art of validation and how to use validation to keep our kids (and any other persons) problems where they belong... .with them. By combining boundaries, validation, and validating questions we can learn to help our kids feel heard and understood, empowered to solve their own problems with our leadership and support while protecting ourselves from being taken advantage of.
Here is a review on this book and links to order it online:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128027.0Do you think information like this would help you better cope with your daughter and help your relationship with her?
lbj