When the kids get it

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My DH is in Florida attending his son's graduation from his Army Reserve MOS. He just called me almost in tears at how my SS19 has grown and matured into a responsible young man with goals and big plans.

SS19 attended three different high schools his senior year, lived with three different families, and had his uBPD mom incarcerated the first week of school for embezzlement. He was set up to fail, but graduated against all those odds, and then joined the reserves.

He threatened his mom with a restraining order prior to leaving for basic training, and went NC for four months. He told my DH today that he made a huge mistake and answered a text from her two months ago. Since then she texts and calls him constantly, both from her phone, and her 11 year old daughter's (SS19's half sister and a chip off the PD block). He and DH were at lunch, and he asked him how to block her. DH showed him, and just like that, he's gone complete NC again.

I'm so proud of him for somehow learning about boundaries and setting them up. He had such a transient childhood with hardly any positive adult role models, yet he's figured it out. And he's teaching his little brother, my SS14!  The counselor told us that SS14 told her he 1) told his uBPD mom that he wouldn't get involved in the mess between her and his brother and 2) also told her she has no idea what his relationship with his dad is, so she shouldn't talk about it.

Wow, wow, wow, let's hear it for the boys!

[PinkieV]

My DH is in Florida attending his son's graduation from his Army Reserve MOS. He just called me almost in tears at how my SS19 has grown and matured into a responsible young man with goals and big plans.

SS19 attended three different high schools his senior year, lived with three different families, and had his uBPD mom incarcerated the first week of school for embezzlement. He was set up to fail, but graduated against all those odds, and then joined the reserves.

He threatened his mom with a restraining order prior to leaving for basic training, and went NC for four months. He told my DH today that he made a huge mistake and answered a text from her two months ago. Since then she texts and calls him constantly, both from her phone, and her 11 year old daughter's (SS19's half sister and a chip off the PD block). He and DH were at lunch, and he asked him how to block her. DH showed him, and just like that, he's gone complete NC again.

I'm so proud of him for somehow learning about boundaries and setting them up. He had such a transient childhood with hardly any positive adult role models, yet he's figured it out. And he's teaching his little brother, my SS14!  The counselor told us that SS14 told her he 1) told his uBPD mom that he wouldn't get involved in the mess between her and his brother and 2) also told her she has no idea what his relationship with his dad is, so she shouldn't talk about it.

Wow, wow, wow, let's hear it for the boys!

[Turkish]

That's a great story, PinkieV!

SS14 sounds mature beyond his years, too. Take a   for standing by and supporting your family, too... .

Turkish

[Nope]

Thanks PinkieV. I've got a struggling SS10 who doesn't get it at all and just wants to think the best of everyone. He also is living his life with us in perpetual victim mode. It's very hard to deal with and it's like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. A happy story like this does so much. 

[Rubies]

Yay for kids who get it!  Yay for the grownups who set good examples for kids to follow and learn, who can calmly and rationally discuss issues and answer the hot potato questions these kids have!

There is light at the end of the tunnel, it may be a long way off for your kid.  When they approach puberty and assert their personhood, things change, their eyes open, they have questions and they'll want answers and boundaries.

We provide that safe place for kids :D