Setting my limits

[Loosestrife]

After 2 years of an emotional rollercoaster I see that my participation in regular recycling is not healthy or helpful. I have said this is my last recyle after being dumped only a few days ago. I have said that if any of the following happen then I will walk away from the relationship:

She dumps me

She hangs up on me

She runs away

She is physically abusive

My BPDSO has committed  to start group T and is also looking for a separate individual T (I'm not sure if the 2 different routes are advisable, but thats her deal). I know I am asking the impossible and setting the relationship up to fail one last time, but I don't know what else to do as I can't carry on living on an emotional rollercoaster and at present I can't see what a future would look like together if the above events continue. Am I being unreasonable? Any advice appreciated.

[lolli]

Loosestrife, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.  Do you think you are setting the relationship up for failure because she won't be able to do what you ask?  That doesn't mean you shouldn't be asking for these things, and in fact they are things that you should be able to expect from a partner.  That's actually what a partner really is, I guess--someone who's with you and on your side, not someone who hurts you or leaves you.

[Loosestrife]

Loosestrife, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.  Do you think you are setting the relationship up for failure because she won't be able to do what you ask?  That doesn't mean you shouldn't be asking for these things, and in fact they are things that you should be able to expect from a partner.  That's actually what a partner really is, I guess--someone who's with you and on your side, not someone who hurts you or leaves you.

Yes I think I'm setting it up to fail as the things I have vitto'd are her coping mechanisms.

[Michelle27]

You aren't being unreasonable at all.  How can you be expected to continue this kind of push/pull indefinitely?  No one deserves that.  You are simply placing a boundary and enforcing it.  Everyone has that right. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey loosestrife, Maybe you could have a conversation with your SO about "what works for you" and what doesn't?  Perhaps that would be less of a setup.  The more you focus on your needs and goals, the easier it will be to find the right path, I suspect.  Trying to navigate with a pwBPD at the helm is a journey into rough waters, in my experience.   LuckyJim

[Loosestrife]

Thanks for the replies. I have tried to explain that there are calmer ways to ask for time out rather than end the relationship. I think that's all I can do for now.