May be happening again

[Rebuilding me]

Hello I found this site a little over a year ago and it helped me understand my BPDxgf and my own white knight syndrom! I have been successful with women in the last year and have grown so much, but no one has made me feel anything special since my ex who destroyed me! I know BPD well and my role in it! Drawn like magnets together!

I am over her, but the wounds I don't know if they will ever heal completely! I have been out of the relationship for about a year and a half, the RS was 3 yrs, and I also know my own problems from my family! It's happening again im sure with a girl I work with who is only 18 and I am 34! To make matters worse she is engaged! I studied Bpd for 6 months and this site was so informative and helpful!

Tonight through text we both basically told each other we desire one another! We have become close quickly and share our deepest desires, hearts and search for love! She says she can't breathe without her finance yet feels trapped and he doesn't understand her! I have become her councilor in a way, but there has been a very strong sexual attraction since the moment we met! I hate how it feels so deep and special and like destiny! In many ways I feel it is still, even though I should know better!

She moves me deeply, and I know I her! I can't know it's Bpd, but it has all the classic signs! Her losing her father the day after she was born and a mother that was never there for her! She was promiscuous in highschool and is now trying to do right by being with one man, yet obviously failing being faithful! We are having a emotional affair, and now said we want each other sexually! :/

I feel trapped myself and just want to find love! I love my job, but love means more! I love sharing intimacies with her, but she is with another! The scariest part is im willing to run the gambit again just to feel something worth wild again! Please help me!

[ShadowIntheNight]

Hello I found this site a little over a year ago and it helped me understand my BPDxgf and my own white knight syndrom! I have been successful with women in the last year and have grown so much, but no one has made me feel anything special since my ex who destroyed me! I know BPD well and my role in it! Drawn like magnets together!

I am over her, but the wounds I don't know if they will ever heal completely! I have been out of the relationship for about a year and a half, the RS was 3 yrs, and I also know my own problems from my family! It's happening again im sure with a girl I work with who is only 18 and I am 34! To make matters worse she is engaged! I studied Bpd for 6 months and this site was so informative and helpful!

Tonight through text we both basically told each other we desire one another! We have become close quickly and share our deepest desires, hearts and search for love! She says she can't breathe without her finance yet feels trapped and he doesn't understand her! I have become her councilor in a way, but there has been a very strong sexual attraction since the moment we met! I hate how it feels so deep and special and like destiny! In many ways I feel it is still, even though I should know better!

She moves me deeply, and I know I her! I can't know it's Bpd, but it has all the classic signs! Her losing her father the day after she was born and a mother that was never there for her! She was promiscuous in highschool and is now trying to do right by being with one man, yet obviously failing being faithful! We are having a emotional affair, and now said we want each other sexually! :/

I feel trapped myself and just want to find love! I love my job, but love means more! I love sharing intimacies with her, but she is with another! The scariest part is im willing to run the gambit again just to feel something worth wild again! Please help me!

BPD or not, do you knew for a fact that she's 18? Have you seen her drivers license with her exact birthdate on it? Or is she almost 18? Let me tell you with all of the energy you have spinning on this this young girl could be trouble for you in a way you can't imagine. And by the way, did you notice that you wrote "worth wild" rather than worthwhile? There is a difference, and that may have been your subconscious letting you know what you're really wanting. I wouldn't touch someone that age who has a bf who could whoop up on you with his buddies with a ten foot pole. Pass... .

[cosmonaut]

Hi Rebuilding,

I think it's great that you are recognizing the signs.  That shows you've learned a lot about PDs and now you are better able to identify potential problems in relationships.  Congrats!

I would echo what Shadow is saying: tread carefully here and give some serious thought to what you might be about to do.  There's a couple of things that stand out to me, and I think you've already realized them yourself.  I only point them out to try and help you highlight them.

1)  She's engaged to another man.  Does this sound like a healthy start to any relationship?

2)  You've become close very quickly.  Is this perhaps infatuation rather than genuine closeness?

3)  You are feeling a deep lack of love in your life.  Could it be this longing for love that might be pulling you into a complicated situation?

Just some things to spend some time considering.  I think you're doing great to realize these warning signs early and to be brave enough to want to discuss them here.  That's something to be proud of.   

[Svarl1]

 "She says she can't breathe without her finance yet feels trapped and he doesn't understand her"

Now, while some degree of ambivalence is human nature, this sounds like something more extreme.  I advise you to be very very cautious and don't get dragged into something that is almost certain to end badly.

Also, consider this young lady is engaged but already thinking of being unfaithful. This is not the behaviour of a responsible or stable person.

Basically, she'll probably end up doing the same to you.

If she genuinely made a mistake in getting engaged then she should first break with the other guy and let everything settle for a few months before starting a new relationship. A reasonable person would be prepared to do this, it shows a little more respect for all involved.