I'm not sure that she has BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I thought everything was fine. My son called up this weekend and said he and his wife were cutting off the relationship with his entire family. He said it was because dil parents were upset by a Facebook comment that dh made a month ago and the repercussions of that have snowballed into this. He said they forgave us, but that we couldn't communicate with them anymore. Dh tried to apologize to in-laws, and they haven't responded.

Son and wife are expecting the first grandchild of the extended family, this summer. I'm not sure that she has BPD, but some of the characteristics. She has been unfriendly to and avoiding my daughter, who was a friend before she even met my son.

What should we think?

[whiplashed_mom]

I thought everything was fine. My son called up this weekend and said he and his wife were cutting off the relationship with his entire family. He said it was because dil parents were upset by a Facebook comment that dh made a month ago and the repercussions of that have snowballed into this. He said they forgave us, but that we couldn't communicate with them anymore. Dh tried to apologize to in-laws, and they haven't responded.

Son and wife are expecting the first grandchild of the extended family, this summer. I'm not sure that she has BPD, but some of the characteristics. She has been unfriendly to and avoiding my daughter, who was a friend before she even met my son.

What should we think?

[enlighten me]

I think your son is in a very stressful place. I know I was there twice. Both my ex wife and exgf tried and in some ways succeeded in getting me to distance myself from my family.

If she has BPD then there is a strong possibility one of her parents also has it.

You need to let your son know that no matter what happens you will be there for him. Being in a BPD relationship can be a very lonely place. Slowly you lose contact with friends and family. They can be very convincing and you begin to believe that you are a bad person because you spend time with others when your SO needs you (even though they dont really).

Give him distance. By taking yourself out of the equation it is one less thing they can blame their behaviour on. If it plays out like mine did they will eventually split up and that is where you step in. He may be left in a bad financial position. He may have no one left in his life. He will be heartbroken and confused. Dont criticise his decisions. He was conned by one of the most efficient con artists going. Educate him. Learn all you can about BPD so you can answer his questions.

All the best EM.

[whiplashed_mom]

Thank you so much for your taking the time to help people like me on here. I value your knowledge!

[enlighten me]

Your welcome. Were here to help in whatever way we can. If theres anything you want to ask feel free to message me.

Its a horrible situation made the worse as a lot of the behaviour just doesnt make sense.