Do I unblock her until next month?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Ex gf is living in the shared apartment (both names on the lease, I moved out in February) until the end of the month. In march she texted me saying if I left anything behind do I want to come and get it, or just let it be. I realized this was a way for her to reach out. If I left anything behind it's nothing I can't easily replace. I responded back saying, "No I'm good, thanks."

I blocked her from my calls and texts last week, huge step for me. Now I'm kind of wondering do I unblock at least her text messages until she moves out at the end of the month, that way if something came up with the security deposit she can reach out, or leave her be since she knows the address for my parents where I'm staying, and I'm sure she still has my email address?

I'm not worried about a recycle attempt at this time because she is already with the new man. But to be honest when I had her unblocked and a text sound would come through I would always get a little twinge of anxiety wondering if that was her texting (ironic because when we were dating I'd always get excited at her text coming through).

Need some advice

[confusedinWI]

Ex gf is living in the shared apartment (both names on the lease, I moved out in February) until the end of the month. In march she texted me saying if I left anything behind do I want to come and get it, or just let it be. I realized this was a way for her to reach out. If I left anything behind it's nothing I can't easily replace. I responded back saying, "No I'm good, thanks."

I blocked her from my calls and texts last week, huge step for me. Now I'm kind of wondering do I unblock at least her text messages until she moves out at the end of the month, that way if something came up with the security deposit she can reach out, or leave her be since she knows the address for my parents where I'm staying, and I'm sure she still has my email address?

I'm not worried about a recycle attempt at this time because she is already with the new man. But to be honest when I had her unblocked and a text sound would come through I would always get a little twinge of anxiety wondering if that was her texting (ironic because when we were dating I'd always get excited at her text coming through).

Need some advice

[zundertowz]

I think if your still at a point where you anticipate that a txt or email maybe from here you need to keep her blocked.  I put up a brick wall around myself for over a month and today I unblocked her... .It was kind of a freeing experience... .i dont have an urge to msg her and I think she feels the same at this point and I know if she does it wont really affect me. 

[Mike-X]

Hi confusedinWI,

Good question. Based on your post, it seems that your goal is to meet the true objective of no contact: "No Contact" is mostly about you forcing "distance" into the relationship to help you heal; to get the "space" needed to get over the hurt; get on with you life.

The panel on the right has a lot about No Contact: https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm

Sometimes low contact is necessary (e.g., financial ties, legal ties, children, etc.), and you just have to establish your boundaries for engaging in any communications. It is best to explicitly think through those boundaries.

Very good things to consider in this workshop, and the first reply discusses low contact: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61980.0

You have to decide what you can handle to give yourself the space you need. I have been LC with my ex for a few months now, and I still experience the twinges of anxiety.

[confusedinWI]

Well before I went into my job interview I decided to unblock her number from text. All thru the interview I thought if this was right or not. I decided after interview I need to keep her blocked. Im not detached enough where I could deal with a text. My first thought after my interview was how I would've liked to talk to her about it. Thst showed me right there I have to keep my defenses up for ke. Besides worse scenario im out a hundred bucks in security deposit. Thats worth it to me for the sake of my sanity.

Next step is trying to figure out how to stop comparing myself to my replacement. I shouldnt because their is nothing he has that's better or more special thsn me.  I know im good amd I just have to understand in my heart her actions are not a reflection of my worth. He is just a new victim and her choosing him shows her disconnect from what she said she wants. She complained with me thsg she didnt see me enough but yet she is dating him and he lives almost two hours away. Or how she went from me and my two kids thst loved her to basically nust acting like what we gave her wasn't important.

She's the one with the disorder and drinking problems yet I feel completely broken, unloveable like a bomb went off. I wanted ber to be sad thsg she lost us. Her self proclaimed best friend and love of her life. Now everything she said to me she is probably saying to him. Jts the honeymoon stage and he is getting all the nice fake stuff like affection without going thru the seven stages of Hades like I did.

[runningup]

My first thought after my interview was how I would've liked to talk to her about it. Thst showed me right there I have to keep my defenses up for ke.

I had exactly the same problem last week, felt after an interview that I should ring or txt, just habit I suspect, but it hurts none the less.

[Mike-X]

Congratulations to both of you on the interviews!

Sounds like staying no-contact is the best option.

[Olivia_D]

I would say no contact is the best plan.  I would certainly pay $100 for sanity.  Or, put another way, I'd end up spending that $100 with my therapist and prolong my healing.  The text twinge that you mentioned is spot on.  I have changed the tone to my text messages [since I started no contact] so now it has a different chime and it has helped a good bit as it is not as familiar.  I feel like Pavlov's dog when the text would chime, get panicked, actually stare at my phone like it was going to bite me, and then finally check my phone.  Good gracious, he's turned a communication device into a torture mechanism.  I have only been no contact for 30 days (today) and it gets a little easier every day but I still want to reach out to him to tell him about certain things even if he never really listened.  It is pretty natural to want to share things with a companion.  I know that this is going to sound odd but my grandmother died at the same time that I started no contact.  Every time that I go to send him a note or text or wish to tell him something about my day or life, I think about the fact that I used to call my 98 year old grandmother to chat about some of those same things.  Now that she has passed, I have to accept the fact that I cannot contact her and tell her about my life; I am applying that same principle to having no contact with him.  I have to accept the fact that it is just simply impossible to communicate with him, it just happens to be for other reasons.