BPD Trait?-Never Can Be Wrong

[ninjacat]

She said:

If my daughter wants an honest relationship with her

mother, you need to understand that I am an injured human, as we all

are, but I am least honest enough to say sometimes I break."

 

I heard: "I'll punch you again if I feel like it."

Yup- I read that the same way.  I'm so sorry mommasa.    

[gomez_addams]

Saw this old thread.

My stbx uBPDw has sincerely apologized ONCE in three years. That's once she was remorseful. I don't remember what it was about, but I remember that she seemed to truly feel bad. I remember where we were, and that I felt confident it was an act.

She says, "Sorry," sarcastically sometimes. And is "sorry" that my feelings are hurt, or that I got mad.

She shocked me last week.  She admitted she was wrong about a detail.

But mostly I'm always wrong.

Gomez

[Leaving]

I have NEVER received a sincere apology from my NPD/BPD mother or husband.  IF they ever apologize at all, it's done so in a way that it's arrogant or condescending like, ' I'm sorry YOU feel that way" or " I'm sorry that you remember things that way" or " FINE! I"M SORRY! Is that good enough for you!"  Their apologies are completely insincere and always arranged such that they are being forced to apologize and are still the victims.

Empty apologies are all you will ever get and can actuallybe more hurtful than no apology at all.

[DrA]

When I first married my wife.  I was shocked one day when she declared, she doesn't say it unless she is right.  Meaning, if she says it, it is ALWAYS right.  This has continued to be a pattern in our whole marriage.  She is usually extremely sure of her position on things, and if you challenge her, you are kind of a jerk for doing so.  unfortunately, I find myself wanting to prove her wrong because of how preposterous it is to me that someone swears they are right when they could be wrong.  I was raised in an environment to believe I could ALWAYS be wrong (in a good way) so just expect that and be ok with it.  I would say thank goodness for google, because it sometimes proves her to be wrong.  But really, she just gets very annoyed whenever I start to Google something she has said.  Plus you can't yet google whether she said to take out the trash or not.  In her mind, she is totally right, and there is no other option.  I can say that this trait really stinks when we look back on ugly events in our relationships as well.  She will say this thing did or didn't happen, and if I imply that it maybe didn't happen that way, she gets really angry because in her mind I am calling her a liar or I just have a terrible memory because I remember it differently.

[Leaving]

When I first married my wife.  I was shocked one day when she declared, she doesn't say it unless she is right.  Meaning, if she says it, it is ALWAYS right.  This has continued to be a pattern in our whole marriage.  She is usually extremely sure of her position on things, and if you challenge her, you are kind of a jerk for doing so.  unfortunately, I find myself wanting to prove her wrong because of how preposterous it is to me that someone swears they are right when they could be wrong.  I was raised in an environment to believe I could ALWAYS be wrong (in a good way) so just expect that and be ok with it.  I would say thank goodness for google, because it sometimes proves her to be wrong.  But really, she just gets very annoyed whenever I start to Google something she has said.  Plus you can't yet google whether she said to take out the trash or not.  In her mind, she is totally right, and there is no other option.  I can say that this trait really stinks when we look back on ugly events in our relationships as well.  She will say this thing did or didn't happen, and if I imply that it maybe didn't happen that way, she gets really angry because in her mind I am calling her a liar or I just have a terrible memory because I remember it differently.

Dr A, I can relate. It's best if you just resign yourself to accepting that there is no reasoning with anyone who is oppositional. Sometimes my husband opposes me just to bait me into an altercation and other times I think he does it just because it's second nature for him to do so ( symptom of his illness).  Nonetheless, it's maddening.  My husband will oppose the most obvious logic just to oppose me and when it's done in front of others, I back down very quickly so that we don't end up looking like dumb and dumber.   Sometimes I feel as though I've overdosed on an hallucinogenic drug because, for example, my husband will oppose me today and then the next day he says the very thing I did/agreeing with my position as if we had never had a conversation and doesn't even remember opposing me the day before.  It's truly nuts and if you keep trying to make sense of it, you will end up nuts.  Many years ago some of my husband's friends said to me, ' you actually listen to him?  We just ignore most of what he says' but I thought they were just being rude and cruel.  Now I understand!

[EaglesJuju]

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