Schedule - Mother's Day and Father's Day

[ForeverDad]

Most years in the past Mother's Day had been on my weekend and Father's Day had been on her weekend.  I always felt we had gotten our schedule started on the wrong parenting weekends.  However, this year they're BOTH on my weekends.  That surprised me.

Mother's Day - second Sunday in May

Father's Day - third Sunday in June

It makes me wonder whether the calendar (accumulating a day offset each year) has slowly shifted in my schedule's favor?  Problem is, my High Conflict Parenting is mostly in the past, son is older and the latest court order (finally) deflated a lot of my ex's entitlement.

Is this an alternate weekend schedule "transition year" for MD & FD?  I haven't looked into future years but I suspect that if your past MD/FD holidays conflicted with your weekends, the future years may be better.  And if your past MD/FD holidays meshed with your weekends, the future years may clash with your parenting schedule.  So after nearly a decade it's a bit of a non-event for me.

Disclaimer:  I am a detail-oriented person, that is, I notice them, not that I do anything about them.

[Turkish]

Joint custody here. 3-2-2-3 at this point (the 3s are Fri-Sat-Sun).

I have them this year for MD (too bad she didn't remember my offer to take her out to lunch with the kids yesterday... .but she did! And never showed), and also the next year. Then she gets them for 2017-2018.

Interestingly, I have them this year and the the next four years on FD. I didn't look further ahead than that. I do imagine it becomes a non-event after a while.

[whirlpoollife]

I have kids second fifth weekends.   So for me those days fell on assigned weekends.

The court order is no matter whose weekend , MD kids with me, FD kids with father.

But moving to Thanksgiving break,  last two years ( in court order) it fell on my

fifth weekend ... .this  year and on not .     

[ForeverDad]

The priority order in most courts is... .

• 1 - Holidays - if listed and applicable then they trump everything



• 2 - Vacations - vacation notice (not a request) trumps the schedule



• 3 - Schedule

[Nope]

I'll count these scheduling issues as yet another reason I'm happy we live so far away From the kid's BPD mom. In our case every single holiday that their mom has a right to and where she has a right to have them is spelled out in the order. Example: Father's Day is always DH's time no matter what. And the BPD mom has the right to select Mother's Day weekend as her parenting time (local to us) no matter what.

Obviously, she did not come. She has told the children that there is simply no way she can get the money and time off together to come here for any visits. Hopefully she'll think about what she's said before continuing to throw it in their faces that she and the new boyfriend are going on an out-of-state beach vacation without them this summer. (In an attempt to make them make us miserable for not giving her any summer parenting time.)

[highroadstepmom]

DH has Mother's Day and Father's day in the holiday schedule and... .of course mother's day has always fallen on a weekend when DH has kids, and father's day has always fallen on a weekend when udBPDx has kids (just means it's an added day of 'interaction' between the parents - yuck all around).

But - it's good to have it in the holiday schedule - mom has kids on mom's day from 9 AM - 8 PM, Dad same on dad's day.

I would add to foreverdad's trump schedule:

1. significant family events like weddings/funerals/family reunions (parents are required to give at least a few days notice to the other parent on these - but we haven't had this happen yet - we've planned our events and wedding around times we have the kids (on a 2/2/3 schedule).

2. holidays

3. vacations

4. schedule

[Ripped Heart]

ForeverDad, we have Mothers Day and Fathers Day written into our schedule too. Over here, it's different dates for mothers day, (2nd Sunday before Easter) and what the courts decided was that regardless of whose weekend it is, Mother has the kids on Mother's Day and I have them on Father's Day. Straight forward and simple enough.

However,

Mothers Day fell on my weekend this year so they stayed with their mother. Father's Day, she has signed them up to a Cheerleading competition and asked if I want them the following weekend instead. When I reminded her what date that was, she has now told me that I will be spending Father's Day spectating the competition but that she will also be there too.

The dilemma it puts me in is that she has already told the girls they are going to the competition so if I change the plans, I become the bad guy. If I stick to the plans, I don't really get to spend time with the girls and she is still exerting that control. So even the simplest things, aren't always that simple. Given your situation, are you in a position where you can discuss this and work around those dates so that you have them on father's Day and mother has them on Mother's Day?