feeling nauseous

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm not sure what happened or maybe you'll get this feeling after separated for a period of time, but something just happened to me.

I was in a heated technical discussion with a coworker about work and then, that turned into a long, healthy debate among all of our team members. There was this coworker who was particular hard to convince and that made some of us frustrated, , but still a healthy debate nonetheless.

Anyway, so when I walked out of the room, I picked up my phone and was going to call my "wife" to talk about what just happened, but as I was going through the contact list in my phone, I SUDDENLY realized... .she's not my wife anymore, we are separated for almost two month now and I have been doing very well moving on from her, low communication and all, away from the drama.

The thing is, I was asking myself, what just happened? I picked up the phone and completely forgot that we are separated.  Am I still attached to her?

Then, I also realized, I have no one now to complain this kind of stuff to anymore,  that realization suddenly made me feeling a bit nauseous... .physically feeling nauseous.

Still trying to understand what just happened to me.

[LeonVa]

I'm not sure what happened or maybe you'll get this feeling after separated for a period of time, but something just happened to me.

I was in a heated technical discussion with a coworker about work and then, that turned into a long, healthy debate among all of our team members. There was this coworker who was particular hard to convince and that made some of us frustrated, , but still a healthy debate nonetheless.

Anyway, so when I walked out of the room, I picked up my phone and was going to call my "wife" to talk about what just happened, but as I was going through the contact list in my phone, I SUDDENLY realized... .she's not my wife anymore, we are separated for almost two month now and I have been doing very well moving on from her, low communication and all, away from the drama.

The thing is, I was asking myself, what just happened? I picked up the phone and completely forgot that we are separated.  Am I still attached to her?

Then, I also realized, I have no one now to complain this kind of stuff to anymore,  that realization suddenly made me feeling a bit nauseous... .physically feeling nauseous.

Still trying to understand what just happened to me.

[valet]

Sorry that you're going through this LeonVA. The physical symptoms can be brutal. I didn't think that they were real for some reason when they happened to me, but they were actually just a result of the stress of withdrawal—that and I probably hadn't eaten enough on those days.

After two months, you most certainly are attached, especially after a relationship matching the intensity of one with a pwBPD.

I had moments like that, in the first month or two, where it just felt like I was still with my ex. They are fleeting and they pass, but they are real. The thing that I did was simply acknowledge them, then acknowledge the truth, and with it how much less tired and stressed I felt because I was not in the relationship anymore.

[Bassoutcast]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. I've also recently looked through the contacts and it triggered intense heart-ache, rapid pulsing and anxiety (and I'm in my 20's, I shouldn't be having those).

It's all part of the detachment, some things still trigger you, it's understandable - especially if you were married your pwBPD. I've come to understand that it's not THEM we miss as much as how we FELT around them - that bond, the closeness, etc. I've had many days where I would go through an entire day almost without thinking about her, but then got really depressed when I realized I couldn't tell her about my day anymore.

Hang in there, it will get better!

[maxen]

hi Leon. don't twist yourself in knots trying to understand this. it's only two months: it would be natural that you're still attached, on some level. in the process of my divorce i discovered just how deep the attachments are that a r/s creates, even a bad r/s.

Then, I also realized, I have no one now to complain this kind of stuff to anymore

the morning of the afternoon my exw blindsided me we were flinging emails, just as we always did. it was horrifying, the suddenness of having no-one to tell work stuff to, or just have a fun exchange with. did she feel the same shock? i never had a suggestion that she did.

i hope you have others you can communicate with. nobody take the place of a r/s partner, but it's good to have someone.

[LeonVa]

Thanks guys. First, yeah, I didn't have lunch due to the work discussion that happened, so that's a factor.

Secondly, yeah, I guess I never expected a work situation could trigger my memories of her, as we used to tell each other about our work stuff when something happened, albeit, it was rare for me and common for her.

I have a few close guy friends that I talk about a lot of things with, but I don't get into these mundane work issues / complains too much, I guess that's what husbands and wives do typically and maybe that's one of those things triggered me, in a surprising way. 

Looks like I still have work to do 2 month out, when I don't think of her in any ways or react in any ways,  that's when I  truly heals.

It feels really good to talk it out here on bpdfamily, thank you all so much for understanding what I'm going through and give me a helping hand.  Much much appreciate it.

[Sunfl0wer]

 Hi LeonVa,

Not having someone to share moments in my day with is something I miss the most.

I'm not certain this is an attachment issue vs habit.

I still would look at the wall in the living room for the time the whole month he was gone, even though he took the clock when he left.  I am not attached to the clock, just a habit.

I think there is a big adjustment in our lives at this time.  Some of it is attachment?  Some of it is just natural adjustment? Some is maybe a mix?

~SF

[LeonVa]

@SunFlower, great point.

Sometimes I get confused with co-dependency issues, but you are right, I haven not yet completely adjusted all my habits yet. 

I was focusing on what to change when I'm at home and in my spare time, haven't thought much about when I'm at work which is a big part of the day, completely overlooked.

[Sunfl0wer]

I really miss picking up the phone to call or txt things.  It felt good to feel connected to someone who knows me... .who knows the significance of what I'm texting... .without me having to explain it so much... .but who could instantly understand why certain small life news items are important to me.

I now am finding that I can meet that desire in myself by reaching out to friends and family that I haven't.  Even though they may not completely understand the full meaning of why somethings are important to me... .I find that just reaching out to others and connecting in some way is fulfilling to me.

So... .I continue to follow through with my habit... .and just call or txt someone else.  It is funny tho... .because often pple don't have a clue why I'm telling them something... .  But it doesn't matter to me... .because the pple I reach out to care about me enough to not care if I'm acting odd... .and that alone makes me feel cared for in some way.