So confused and conflicted

[Holding On]

Hello,

I have been in a romantic reationship with someone with BPD for almost 3 years. I am emotionally drained, confused and conflicted. I tend to flee at every little flare up for lack of knowing what to do.  I have read a lot on the subject and learned about validation and other methods but I just dont seem to have the words or the nack to do this. We both love each other and want this to work. I know I am codependant in my own right and am also working on that, however this is soo hard because my bf fights against my independance. Sometimes I feel before I say something I would like to run it by someone else to critique until I get the hang of it.  Can I do that here?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ravfour4]

Sure, go for it.

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

That's one of the purposes here.  Most of us have experienced similar situations (fighting against independence, isolation from others are two common ones).

However, running it by people here so that you can express things so your partner "get's it" isn't going to work.  They won't "get it" no matter how you express yourself.

Running it by people here to make sure your boundaries are clear, and get feedback from people who have expressed similar things can help.

[Holding On]

At this point it's not about if they get it it's about how well I am utilizing validation techniques and yes boundaries. It's about me learning to do my part correctly.