I am about 8 months out. I was doing well and then yesterday had a set back. I saw pictures of her and my replacement all over FB. She looks so happy. I tell myself we were happy at first too. I know in my mind that my life is so much better with her gone. But in my heart I miss her. After all the lies, cheating, and abuse I miss her. Does this ever go away? I thought after eight months I would be over this and not care about her life. But I do. And that bothers me because she doesn't care at all about me.
I feel like for six years I did all the foundation work to help her life get better and now this replacement is reaping all the benefits. I hate the fact that she is happy. When does all of this go away?
I don't think there's a timetable. I'm 9 months post b/u and doing a few things simultaneously: seeing a T and working on healing some issues that I really should have addressed a long time ago; appropriately grieving the (8 year) r/s; getting out and meeting lots of new people while still getting the "alone" time that I need to recharge - everything has been in small incremental steps; sometimes I feel forward momentum; sometimes I feel like I slide backwards; sometimes I feel stuck - but overall I'm recognizing that it's a slow steady journey and I am making progress. I can't look at that "progress" on a day-to-day basis because it's hard to see, but when I look back over the months it's clear that I have healed leaps and bounds from where I was after one month. Still lots of healing to go.
I think I would be sad if I saw pictures of my ex with a new S/O- not a heart rending sadness, though... .more like a wistful sadness; memories of dreams we had and a life we shared together that now belong in my past (even though I fought the "in the past" part for a while.) Don't beat yourself up for feeling sad - it's a normal emotional response, and over time I think you will stop feeling that way.
I went to an outdoor concert last night with every intention of meeting up with a group of friends, but I ran into a man I met a few weeks ago when I was cycling. I was surprised at how attracted I was to him when we met - I haven't felt that way for what feels like
ages, and everything about him (physically, intellectually) was attractive to me. Imagine my surprise when I ran into him last night at the concert! He offered to buy me a beer and, although we both had other plans we cancelled them and talked for the next 5 hours. It was
lovely - the most enjoyable night I've had in a
very long time.
I have no idea if I will see him again; I'd love to, but I'm honestly okay if I don't. Perhaps he came into my life to show me that I can be completely attracted to other people - not endlessly stuck in longing for my ex.
I had a thought as I was walking to my car at the end of the night: "If I was still with my ex I wouldn't have had this experience."
Life goes on. Time really does heal. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll get there!
