Everyone is disordered / The Sky is Falling...

[going places]

I don't want to be like that.

I don't want to over analyze every fart someone lets and then 'label them' with a disorder.

Is it possible that some people are just jerks?

Is it possible that some people are just sad?

Does everyone 'have to have' a disorder?

Does EVERYTHING have to be a red flag?

Don't hear me wrong, I'm not throwing caution to the wind, and 'repeating history'... .

But I don't want to be someone who ruins a relationship before it ever happens because I 'label them' with a disorder because they don't like it when others eat off their plate!

I don't want to be paranoid, uptight, over analyzing and hunting and hunting for a 'red flag'.

I don't want to wring my hands in a cold sweat, fretting and fussing "is this a good person or bad person".

I want to make good, educated decisions... .but I do not want to be in a constant state of freak out.

I want to live. Breathe, laugh... .just live.

Is this possible? After 25 years of mental and emotional torture, is this possible?

I say yes. Yes it is.

[enlighten me]

I titally get you. Yes there is a danger of seeing dissorders in every shadow if your not careful. I try not to look for them now but every now and again some do leap out at you.

[going places]

Enlighten me... .so true.

Clearly, based upon another thread, I am disordered because I do read people pretty well (which made what the ex did 10x more devestating... .).

But I don't want to sit and play Monday Morning Arm Chair Psych.

I just want to live.

Ugh.

[boatman]

Perhaps rather than people being disordered, it's the process of dating that is dysfunctional or disordered. Maybe dating is something that brings these behaviors out in people.

[going places]

If I had it my way?

A 'date' would be me and 4 other females, and 5 males, going as a group.

Bowling, fishing, off roading, having a meal, volunteering... .

But it's a group activity. No one is 'with' someone.

This 'group' can meet once or several times... .and then if "something" is there between two people, then they can reach out to each other, and make arrangements to meet outside of the group.

[disillusionedandsore]

You know when you get a new car and you're driving about and suddenly you are noticing them everywhere you go,  you're kinda stunned that you hadn't noticed before... .Then after to a while,  you realise just how common they are and you're not so surprised at coming across one... .?

I think it's a bit like that... .Be patient with yourself 

Your idea of dating sounds amazing,  it's kinda what college kids do automatically isnt it? Set one up and I'll come!

[Sunfl0wer]

Hey going places,

I have felt this too!  Sometimes I have felt crazy for feeling I had to over analyze everything with my partner to try to make sense of it to connect with him. Now, post r/s, I feel like I have had times where I am crazy over analyzing things that happened to undue the craziness I lived the past 5yrs.  Then there is the analyzing, looking for patterns in current r/s and interactions.

Reason #1:Partly, I know this is because, I happen to by nature be an analytical person. 

Reason #2: The other part, I feel is because the dysfunctional dynamic means, I either get caught up into, or have to be analytical to remain an objective observer vs reactively a part of it.

I have hope that at some point, I will release myself of reason# 2, as after exploration and more satisfaction in this area, it no longer appears necessary to me.

I have hope that the substitute for this will be me being able to just focus on me, my experience of the situation(s) before me, and use that as my guide.

[Sunfl0wer]

If I had it my way?

A 'date' would be me and 4 other females, and 5 males, going as a group.

Bowling, fishing, off roading, having a meal, volunteering... .

But it's a group activity. No one is 'with' someone.

This 'group' can meet once or several times... .and then if "something" is there between two people, then they can reach out to each other, and make arrangements to meet outside of the group.

I haven't thought of this, however, I like this a lot!

Sounds perfect to me!  I'm going to keep this in mind for when I'm ready to date again.

I like it because this is an area my SO and I did not get.  I did not get to see him in situations with more dynamic social interactions going on.  I can feel more relaxed, in my own skin, and maybe see more sides of another in this type of context.