Just putting it out there... BPD and sixthsense

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was having a conversation with a friend today.  The conversation turned to the antics of my pwBPD.  My friend, who has known the BPD for a long time due to working together, commented that the BPD would know that it affects me when she hangs out with her shiny toy at work or mentions his name in a comment on our mutual friends Facebook posts (she has just started doing that), etc.  I deleted the BPD from Facebook late last year.

My friend actually laughed at me and said, "She's wanting you to believe there is something going on with her and the shiny toy when there isn't.  She wants you to think they are hanging out all the time when they aren't.  She's playing you."  My response was, "No way.  She's wouldn't have a clue what I think or how I feel - I stay away from her and don't say a word."  My friend then went on to say, ":)oesn't matter if you don't react, see her or talk to her, she knows you so well AND knows which buttons to press.  :)o not underestimate her."  

So it really got me thinking.  I recall a time when the BPD said something, I gave her a look then before I could say a word, she answered the question I had IN MY HEAD ONLY.  I said to her, "How the hell did you know what I was going to say?"  She replied, "I know how you think."  *gulp*

Maybe my friend is onto something with this?  Even though I don't react to anything she does, could she actually "know" it pi$$es me off?  I would have thought she's too wrapped up in her shiny 'platonic' toy and splitting me black to even bother about her former attachment... .me.

I've thought before that my pwBPD had a sixthsense.  Now I'm curious to know what others have experienced or know about it

Interested to hear your thoughts... . 

[Hadlee]

I was having a conversation with a friend today.  The conversation turned to the antics of my pwBPD.  My friend, who has known the BPD for a long time due to working together, commented that the BPD would know that it affects me when she hangs out with her shiny toy at work or mentions his name in a comment on our mutual friends Facebook posts (she has just started doing that), etc.  I deleted the BPD from Facebook late last year.

My friend actually laughed at me and said, "She's wanting you to believe there is something going on with her and the shiny toy when there isn't.  She wants you to think they are hanging out all the time when they aren't.  She's playing you."  My response was, "No way.  She's wouldn't have a clue what I think or how I feel - I stay away from her and don't say a word."  My friend then went on to say, ":)oesn't matter if you don't react, see her or talk to her, she knows you so well AND knows which buttons to press.  :)o not underestimate her."  

So it really got me thinking.  I recall a time when the BPD said something, I gave her a look then before I could say a word, she answered the question I had IN MY HEAD ONLY.  I said to her, "How the hell did you know what I was going to say?"  She replied, "I know how you think."  *gulp*

Maybe my friend is onto something with this?  Even though I don't react to anything she does, could she actually "know" it pi$$es me off?  I would have thought she's too wrapped up in her shiny 'platonic' toy and splitting me black to even bother about her former attachment... .me.

I've thought before that my pwBPD had a sixthsense.  Now I'm curious to know what others have experienced or know about it

Interested to hear your thoughts... . 

[Trog]

I was having a conversation with a friend today.  The conversation turned to the antics of my pwBPD.  My friend, who has known the BPD for a long time due to working together, commented that the BPD would know that it affects me when she hangs out with her shiny toy at work or mentions his name in a comment on our mutual friends Facebook posts (she has just started doing that), etc.  I deleted the BPD from Facebook late last year.

My friend actually laughed at me and said, "She's wanting you to believe there is something going on with her and the shiny toy when there isn't.  She wants you to think they are hanging out all the time when they aren't.  She's playing you."  My response was, "No way.  She's wouldn't have a clue what I think or how I feel - I stay away from her and don't say a word."  My friend then went on to say, ":)oesn't matter if you don't react, see her or talk to her, she knows you so well AND knows which buttons to press.  :)o not underestimate her."  

So it really got me thinking.  I recall a time when the BPD said something, I gave her a look then before I could say a word, she answered the question I had IN MY HEAD ONLY.  I said to her, "How the hell did you know what I was going to say?"  She replied, "I know how you think."  *gulp*

Maybe my friend is onto something with this?  Even though I don't react to anything she does, could she actually "know" it pi$$es me off?  I would have thought she's too wrapped up in her shiny 'platonic' toy and splitting me black to even bother about her former attachment... .me.

Interested to hear your thoughts... . 

It's not sixth sense, it's a skill learnt in childhood by many people with personality disorders, it's hyper vigilance and intense attention to detail. Many had to learn from little kids what was going to set off their parents and attention had to be paid to everything from the physical to the mental in order to keep themselves safe. It's a trait, of NPD especially, that they are keeping a mental checklist on you and looking for buttons and reactions, they use them later when needed to engage in push/pull and keep you locked into a kind of Stockholm syndrome.

Even more clever, they use this to mystify the relationship, like you are them are 'in the stars' or 'meant to be', this mystical kind of bonding, and talking about things that hurt you, or pressing your buttons keeps you bonded to them. So, when the ultimate discard comes it hurts even more because you believed on some level that you lost your soulmate.

They're confidence tricksters, plain and simple, with skills honed from their abusive childhood.

My ex would bring up all kinds of mental pain for me at inappropriate moments, like sex or when we're having a romantic time she'd bring up my childhood abuse, it was totally inappropriate but it was done to pour herself into my wounds, I really believe that. She would also being up things I maybe told her once, about my childhood, even little silly things like something a teacher said to me once, she'd bring it up 5 years later in an argument. They try to bring childhood wound associations into the relationship at times when you are vulnerable. That's why I always felt my wife was trying to kick me when I was down and that it was deliberate - it was!

[enlighten me]

PwBPD are very good at reading people. She is probably basing her assumptions om past interactions. She will have a whole library of how you reacted to things and from this has formulated her game plan.

Whether or not you see any of it doesnt matter as in her head you have and are reacting how she expects you to.

[Hadlee]

It's not sixth sense, it's a skill learnt in childhood by many people with personality disorders, it's hyper vigilance and intense attention to detail. Many had to learn from little kids what was going to set off their parents and attention had to be paid to everything from the physical to the mental in order to keep themselves safe. It's a trait, of NPD especially, that they are keeping a mental checklist on you and looking for buttons and reactions, they use them later when needed to engage in push/pull and keep you locked into a kind of Stockholm syndrome.

Even more clever, they use this to mystify the relationship, like you are them are 'in the stars' or 'meant to be', this mystical kind of bonding, and talking about things that hurt you, or pressing your buttons keeps you bonded to them. So, when the ultimate discard comes it hurts even more because you believed on some level that you lost your soulmate.

Yeah wow!  That's actually pretty sad to know that developed that skill as a need to survive.  I don't think I'll ever truly understand what they go through.  It's too mind boggling for me.

Sorry to hear about what you went through with your ex, Trog.

[Trog]

It's not sixth sense, it's a skill learnt in childhood by many people with personality disorders, it's hyper vigilance and intense attention to detail. Many had to learn from little kids what was going to set off their parents and attention had to be paid to everything from the physical to the mental in order to keep themselves safe. It's a trait, of NPD especially, that they are keeping a mental checklist on you and looking for buttons and reactions, they use them later when needed to engage in push/pull and keep you locked into a kind of Stockholm syndrome.

Even more clever, they use this to mystify the relationship, like you are them are 'in the stars' or 'meant to be', this mystical kind of bonding, and talking about things that hurt you, or pressing your buttons keeps you bonded to them. So, when the ultimate discard comes it hurts even more because you believed on some level that you lost your soulmate.

Yeah wow!  That's actually pretty sad to know that developed that skill as a need to survive.  I don't think I'll ever truly understand what they go through.  It's too mind boggling for me.

Sorry to hear about what you went through with your ex, Trog.

No worries. Won't happen again 

[Hadlee]

PwBPD are very good at reading people. She is probably basing her assumptions om past interactions. She will have a whole library of how you reacted to things and from this has formulated her game plan.

Whether or not you see any of it doesnt matter as in her head you have and are reacting how she expects you to.

Thanks enlighten me - you have reminded me of how I used to react to things she used to do, which she is now doing again.  So based on past interactions... .yes... .she does know how I feel.  It's all a little creepy really    

[going places]

For Believers, there is a "Gift" from God called ":)isscernment". Some folks have it, some have more than others, and some folks lack it.

Learning to "read" people is also taught at the collegiate level... .there are MANY professions out there that you have to be 'trained' on how to read people:

Behavior Analysis Unit www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_Analysis_Unit

Profilers www.criminologycareers.about.com/od/Career_Profiles/a/Criminal-Profiler.htm

Forensic Psychologist www.psychology.about.com/od/psychologycareerprofiles/a/forensicpsych.htm

And many others. I would imagine if you were a prison guard you might want to be able to read behaviors, body language, etc... .

I DO agree, that people CAN and DO learn these skills so that they can use them as weapons... .having a NPD/ASPD ex husband that LOVED to prey on my fears (only knew because I told him, he couldn't read a person if they were tattooed in print)... .used them against me... .gaslit me like a boss.

BUT just because someone CAN read people well does not instantly mean they are disordered.

[enlighten me]

A friend once told me of a girl she worked with. Part of the job was facial recognition. They do a test with ten photos showing various stages of an emotion. The normal point where the emotion is recognised is around six. This girl was picking up at two or three. My friend did psycology at university and suspected this girl was BPD from her other behaviours.

[Hadlee]

Thanks for those links, going places  I'll have a read through them now.

I agree that it doesn't mean people are disordered if they can read people well.  I've done some management training in the past where modules focused on staff behavior, etc.  It's interesting!  

[Hadlee]

A friend once told me of a girl she worked with. Part of the job was facial recognition. They do a test with ten photos showing various stages of an emotion. The normal point where the emotion is recognised is around six. This girl was picking up at two or three. My friend did psycology at university and suspected this girl was BPD from her other behaviours.

Oh man, that's freaky!  

It adds up now - how pwBPD look at your face intensely.  I've noticed that A LOT.  I'm so animated with my facial expressions that it's pretty easy to tell how I feel  Mind you, I've changed that to a 'blank' look whenever I have needed to interact with the BPD at work.

The sooner I get botox, the better

[FannyB]

Spot on Trog. In relationships it pans out as 'analyse/accuse'. Ironically, because they profess to know what we're thinking they are extremely disappointed when we fail to second guess them correctly.  

[Reecer1588]

Unblocked my ex on facebook about a week ago. Yesterday after months of her not posting anything to her facebook, or anyone else having a public picture with her, there she was in a public profile picture with someone back from my high school. Smiling in a selfie. Really triggered me hard. Decided to reblock my ex and this other person.

Idk whether ex intended for me to see or not. Thoughts? Could have been innocent could have not been.

But I agree with what is written here... .They are 'hyper-vigilant' and at least for my ex I personally believe she still tries to find ways to hurt me. She doesn't need to though. The silence hurts enough.

[Hadlee]

Unblocked my ex on facebook about a week ago. Yesterday after months of her not posting anything to her facebook, or anyone else having a public picture with her, there she was in a public profile picture with someone back from my high school. Smiling in a selfie. Really triggered me hard. Decided to reblock my ex and this other person.

Idk whether ex intended for me to see or not. Thoughts? Could have been innocent could have not been.

But I agree with what is written here... .They are 'hyper-vigilant' and at least for my ex I personally believe she still tries to find ways to hurt me. She doesn't need to though. The silence hurts enough.

I've read your posts, Reecer, and I'm sorry for what you are going through   

Chances are the change of profile picture was for your benefit.  I know my pwBPD has done A LOT of things on Facebook to grab my attention.  She has changed her profile or cover pic the same day I have a number of times, and makes them public, so it shows in my news feed when mutual friends like or comment on it.  She's even resorted to putting quotes as her picture!  The latest one basically says, "I don't care."

I've not blocked her even though there have been many times where I am tempted to.  Instead, I have a growing list of mutual friends I've had to unfollow  Blocking them would be a hell of a lot easier!

[Trog]

I saw a picture on FB yesterday of my ex before my ex wife and she looks fabulous. Im not sure if it was my benefit, very likely not, but I am eating my heart out! She looks great, better than we were together several years ago and she was not disordered. I left her for the BPDex. Ouch!

But I'd rather spend time feeling the ouch of that than trying to puzzle out some BPD!

[Reecer1588]

Unblocked my ex on facebook about a week ago. Yesterday after months of her not posting anything to her facebook, or anyone else having a public picture with her, there she was in a public profile picture with someone back from my high school. Smiling in a selfie. Really triggered me hard. Decided to reblock my ex and this other person.

Idk whether ex intended for me to see or not. Thoughts? Could have been innocent could have not been.

But I agree with what is written here... .They are 'hyper-vigilant' and at least for my ex I personally believe she still tries to find ways to hurt me. She doesn't need to though. The silence hurts enough.

I've read your posts, Reecer, and I'm sorry for what you are going through   

Chances are the change of profile picture was for your benefit.  I know my pwBPD has done A LOT of things on Facebook to grab my attention.  I've not blocked her even though there have been many times where I am tempted to.  Instead, I have a growing list of mutual friends I've had to unfollow  Blocking them would be a hell of a lot easier!

To be clear, it was actually on another girl's (who i am not fb friendsw with)profile. I just stumbled accross it. Wasn't looking for it so when I saw it,

It did quite a number on me. My ex looks happy,

Looks just fine. But something about her eyes has changed ever since we split... .Can't describe it. They don't look, the same? I guess they just kind of look a little lost, like something that was there before isn't there any more... .A glimmer? Something. Could be my own perception playing a role. Not sure.

[going places]

Maybe it's my age... .my face book has about 20 friends. And they are for real friends in real life.

My page is SUPER privated, so you can't see anything.

My ex, is 100% blocked.

Has been FOR YEARS (blocked him before we even filed for divorce).

I do not go to the side of town he lives/works on.

And I am moving 5 states away to start a new life... .one where I NEVER have to see him again.

I just don't 'get' why people have 'friends' on their friend list, that are NOT friends, and why their personal facebook page is 'public' for anyone to see? Again, that may be my age... .

[enlighten me]

A friend once told me of a girl she worked with. Part of the job was facial recognition. They do a test with ten photos showing various stages of an emotion. The normal point where the emotion is recognised is around six. This girl was picking up at two or three. My friend did psycology at university and suspected this girl was BPD from her other behaviours.

Oh man, that's freaky!  

It adds up now - how pwBPD look at your face intensely.  I've noticed that A LOT.  I'm so animated with my facial expressions that it's pretty easy to tell how I feel  Mind you, I've changed that to a 'blank' look whenever I have needed to interact with the BPD at work.

The sooner I get botox, the better

Thats the problem I thought I was using a blank face with my ex but I know wonder if I might have been at level 3 so showing a slight bit of emotion that normal people wouldnt pick up on but she could.

[Hadlee]

To be clear, it was actually on another girl's (who i am not fb friendsw with)profile. I just stumbled accross it. Wasn't looking for it so when I saw it,

It did quite a number on me. My ex looks happy,

Looks just fine. But something about her eyes has changed ever since we split... .Can't describe it. They don't look, the same? I guess they just kind of look a little lost, like something that was there before isn't there any more... .A glimmer? Something. Could be my own perception playing a role. Not sure.

I was talking to a friend last week and said a similar thing about my xBPD friend.  I see her now in a completely different light.  The eyes are the clincher for me - they are dead.  I've always believed that the eyes are the windows to the soul, so it tells me there isn't much soul inside my pwBPD.

I also considered it may have just been my perception as well, but I don't believe so.  Her mask has fallen off, so I'm presented with 'all of her' now.  Believe me... .it's harder to see that when you still have to see them in person!

[WhatJustHappened?]

I agree about not being a sixth sense. It is a learned skill and is very honed.

Trog: How did you know? You used the exact same words my exBPD used such as "soul mate" and that it was meant to be"

OP, my exBPD always wanted to Skype so she could see my facial expressions. Like you, I can be easy to read. My exBPD also has an outstanding memory. I thought at first she wasn't listening but she heard every word I would say and would catalog it.

[Hadlee]

Thats the problem I thought I was using a blank face with my ex but I know wonder if I might have been at level 3 so showing a slight bit of emotion that normal people wouldnt pick up on but she could.

It seems to be like they can detect emotion that others wouldn't normally pick up on.  That would be the hyper-vigilance in them.  I'm pretty good with sensing vibes and get very strong gut instincts.  I can pick up on peoples energy when I'm feeling clear.  I wonder if they can do that as well?  

[Hadlee]

OP, my exBPD always wanted to Skype so she could see my facial expressions. Like you, I can be easy to read. My exBPD also has an outstanding memory. I thought at first she wasn't listening but she heard every word I would say and would catalog it.

Wow!  I still find it creepy.  I've experienced the same thing a few times where I thought mine wasn't listening.  She seemed zoned out at the time, but stored every word I had said.

 

[Trog]

I agree about not being a sixth sense. It is a learned skill and is very honed.

Trog: How did you know? You used the exact same words my exBPD used such as "soul mate" and that it was meant to be"

OP, my exBPD always wanted to Skype so she could see my facial expressions. Like you, I can be easy to read. My exBPD also has an outstanding memory. I thought at first she wasn't listening but she heard every word I would say and would catalog it.

Cos it's textbook. They learn it on their BPD training school course on the planet Git where they're all from.

[Hadlee]

Cos it's textbook. They learn it on their BPD training school course on the planet Git where they're all from.

Hahahaha that's awesome.  Planet GIT