back into the hornets nest

[married21years]

Hi guys, in two weeks i go back to canada and back into the hornets nest, i have been away since the new year, with just a single trip there. I was drummed out of a small community and i was a volunteer firefighter and MFR. i was liked and respected in the community until my 20th wedding anniversary. i pushed the boat out and build a wonderful present for my wife and everyone was telling her how lucky she was to have me. i didn't know this and this was destroying her house of cards she had made about being the unloved uncared for housewife. having grown up in a life of abuse i didn't realize the way i was treated by her was wrong. i just thought i had to try harder to be a better husband. one day we got back from a trip to the US with our work visas and my whole world changed. the fire brigade turned against me and shunned me. this is unusual as a brigade needs to be close and know you have each others back. i was now the local pariah and it was being lead by the deputy chief and his wife. at this point i had no idea that infact behind this abuse was my own wife the woman i adored and loved with all my heart. i knew nothing of the lies she was telling me. it took a year of abuse and torture till i realized what had happened. I now know her condition caused all this i have done my research and i am due to go back for two weeks to this situation. i need to stay strong and i cant let people know what i know as they will think i am crazy.

I am so angry and hurt and i cant clear my name it is sole destroying.

i just want to blow it all up and tell everyone the truth

that's what i want. 

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[Hmcbart]

Married, I feel for you. I have been on the recieving end of this behavior as well, just not to that extent. It was mostly with friends and her family. Having a close friend of ours come up and tell me that I need to be nice to my wife. Telling me how sweet and wonderful she is and that I need to stop being so mean.

Even to this day I don't know what exactly she was telling them but our friendship has never been the same. I didn't really try to defend myself because I had no clue what I did to need defending.

It's a difficult situation and more so when you live in a small community.  Hang in there, it will pass. Most people have short memory spans and forget quickly. It may never be the same but it does get easier.

I noticed recently when a friend of hers was telling me how mean I am, I just told the truth. It's JADEing and not needed but I felt better. I have decided that I'm not going to continue to hide her actions the way I use to do.

[Ceruleanblue]

Married, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your reactions are very normal. I've had people judge me based off a crazy person's rantings and lies, and it stinks, because it was all twisted truths, and also flat out lies. I value my reputation too, and I also try not to judge others. Stuff was posted about my daughter on the internet that was awful: this person had her minions post on the internet that I'd let my daughter be molested. That never happened, and who does that to an underage girl? Sick people, that's who. It isn't just the person spreading the lies, it's the people who buy into them, and do their bidding.

We just bumped into one of these people two nights ago at the grocery store, and it all came flooding back. What's ironic is that the lady who had her friend post that crap, actually did have daughters that were molested by her husband and he was sent to prison. Talk about projection. I never judged her for that. In fact I had felt compassion for her now grown girls, and for her.

It's hard, but we both just need to come to the place where we stop letting lies and opinions of shallow people play on us and our emotions. They are not worth it.

[married21years]

i am not staying quiet to protect her any more  if anyone asks they get the truth and i will no longer accept abuse from anyone!

bring it if they want it i am up for the battle!

[vortex of confusion]

i am not staying quiet to protect her any more  if anyone asks they get the truth and i will no longer accept abuse from anyone!

bring it if they want it i am up for the battle!

 

Be careful!

It is good that you have a fighting spirit. Try to keep it in check and protect yourself. All too often trying to fight this stuff blows up and makes things worse. Try to get yourself in a good place. Go read the divorce board and the leaving board. Things can get ugly rather fast if you are not careful. Heck, even if you are careful, things can get ugly fast.

[married21years]

i don't care. i am a truthful person and if i lose her because i tell the truth so be it.

but i will not be mistreated anymore!

39 years of abuse i have suffered and i kept quiet no more!

39 years of doing things for others caring for others it stops!

i am doing what i want for a change!

thx everyone!