From FormFlier:
I wouldn't get into the details on what he is doing better... .or not. Let someone else shoulder that burden.
If he doesn't want to do this... .then... .just let him know you are ready to discuss further when he is ready to improve or change... .something along those lines.
What you want to avoid is telling him he is going better... .when he isn't. But you also don't want to remind him of his critical mother.
He thrives on me giving him feedback about whether or not he is doing better. I try to tell him that he is IFF he is genuinely doing better. There have been times when he has told me that he feels like he is doing better but I wasn't seeing it. There have also been times when I have asked him, "How do YOU think you are doing?" and tried to help him make that determination for himself. He is so very externally motivated.
I know that I remind him of his mother in some areas. We have discussed this a little. The person that I remind him of most is his granny. She died when he was 11 or so. She encouraged him to be creative and weird and she got him. He has repeatedly told me that when his granny died he felt like he lost his rock. She was a gentle woman but nobody wanted to cross her. Even his mom has told me that I remind her of her mom. Her mom rarely raised her voice and people would listen. MIL could never get the boys (my husband and his brother) so she would resort to yelling and screaming at them. She has told me that she is jealous of the way that I am with my girls.
I have to laugh that my husband has jokingly told me that I am the only one in this world that has had enough balls to take on his mother and get her to back down. I took her to task for being so critical of him and mean to him while still pretending to be nice.
Males can thrive on competition. He didn't have to jump very far to "beat out" dad.
I feel like my husband is fighting a losing battle a lot of the time. He will see competition where there is none. I know he gets jealous of me. We are in the same field. We went to grad school together and I got a higher GPA. I worked for deans and department heads. He would use MY bosses as references and ride on my shirt tail to a degree. I am a better parent than him. I am better with cars than him. I am better with the mower than him. I am better with people than him. I am more creative than him. I am a better cook than him. Our friends have asked ME to sit in live shows with them, but not him. I had only been playing for a few short months and he had been in a band with them. I make everything look too easy. This is all stuff that he has said to me at different times.
And, I will admit, that there was a period of time where I got caught up in the competition and got caught up in the notion, "hey, you want to compete? I will compete and I will win." That was a long time ago in grad school. Our instructors would seal our papers up in envelopes and write notes like VOC did NOT see this. It was quite comical. I saw it as a friendly competition where we were pushing each other to do better. The problem is that he couldn't compete with me. When I realized what was happening, I tried to step back and STOP. I would let him win. I would sabatoge myself or not do things because I didn't want to make him feel bad.