Good morning

[Parents! Get help here!]

My now 31 year old adult daughter was diagnosed with borderline 12 years ago. Her condition has declined over the years as well as having two children.  One of her children was diagnosed with cancer.  My daughter could not cope when the cancer returned for the second time, thus placing my husband and myself by her side.  I am now hearing I love her children more than her.  It takes lots of time to care for the one that has been dealt the cancer card.  The youngest is a fireball and pushes the envelope all the time.  My child can't hold down a job and because of her children they all live here.  My daughter fabricates stories has for many years.  If you don't jump to her attention she escalates the severity.  There's aleays that one person waiting in the wings to be suckered in by her, so the roller coaster continues to run out of control.  Maybe I can do something different to not get pulled into my trigger get set off. I need help and can't seek it the conventional way because of the child that had cancer I care for.

[Concerned mom]

My now 31 year old adult daughter was diagnosed with borderline 12 years ago. Her condition has declined over the years as well as having two children.  One of her children was diagnosed with cancer.  My daughter could not cope when the cancer returned for the second time, thus placing my husband and myself by her side.  I am now hearing I love her children more than her.  It takes lots of time to care for the one that has been dealt the cancer card.  The youngest is a fireball and pushes the envelope all the time.  My child can't hold down a job and because of her children they all live here.  My daughter fabricates stories has for many years.  If you don't jump to her attention she escalates the severity.  There's aleays that one person waiting in the wings to be suckered in by her, so the roller coaster continues to run out of control.  Maybe I can do something different to not get pulled into my trigger get set off. I need help and can't seek it the conventional way because of the child that had cancer I care for.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Welcome   You have found a place of love and support.   Wow, your boat is loaded, the good news is there are many things you can do to help yourself and your loved ones.  I would encourage you to take some time to read the tools and lessons you will find on the right side of this page.   I know it really helped me with my 27 year old daughter, and like you we had been dealing with her BPD for a long time.   Have the children certainly does complicate things.   Your daughter and her children are so lucky to have you to love and care for them.  My daughter is the queen of lying, so I understand your frustration  for fabricated stories, that is the thing about her that I have the most trouble dealing with.  Does your daughter receive any counseling?   Seems that between the child with cancer and the BPD she could use someone to talk to.   What about you?  Who do you get your support from?  I can tell you  honestly, it wasn't until my husband and I got on the "same page" with boundaries and limits to our enabling that things changed for the much better.   It was hard, and things in some ways got worse instead of better for awhile, but it was worth it.  We are in such a better place now, and that is my wish for you.  Please tell us more about you and the issues you are wanting to work on with your daughter.   You are not alone, this is a safe place to say what you need to say---we have all been where you are and it isn't a shock and you will feel no judgement.   I look forward to hearing more from you soon.

[kelti1972]

Hi concerned mom:

Welcome so glad you are reaching out here.  My 27 year old also fabricates stories.  We didn't even know that until he was diagnosed, got a therapist and he told us.  It was so confusing.  I thought I was going in sane.  We had bought into his story about drugs and someone having a gun and our lives being in danger.  We bought it all and even kicked him out.  It was the most horrible time and I didn't know if I would get through it all.  Here I am and found this wonderful site.

It is filled with love and support hope you find plenty and good luck.  Kelti

[livednlearned]

Hi concerned mom,

I wanted to join kelti1972 and madmom in welcoming you to the site, and to let you know you're not alone. My son used to say something similar to me, "You love the dog more than me." My T and friends here on the site taught me about validation. I'm guessing you probably already know about validation if your D was diagnosed 12 years ago? I've had to learn to say, "You must be feeling sad to say that." We have a lot of good material about validation here on the site that I return to again and again. It's something I have to continually practice.

What kind of self care are you able to get right with so many demands on your time?