Will You Always Love Your BPD Ex? Why/Why Not?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Yes,  I will always love him.  I was young when  I met him and he has truly shaped the person I am today.  Despite the bad, there were good things over the 18 years.  He made me a better person - maybe it wasn't always using positive, healthy treatment of me, but I feel I am a better person because of him.

[sbr1050]

Yes,  I will always love him.  I was young when  I met him and he has truly shaped the person I am today.  Despite the bad, there were good things over the 18 years.  He made me a better person - maybe it wasn't always using positive, healthy treatment of me, but I feel I am a better person because of him.

[AwakenedOne]

No, I will not always love her. If I love my x wife for the rest of my life I would consider myself as having serious mental problems. She showed love then basically just tortured me for the most part.

[emancipated]

My breakup ... big blowup kick me out was a year ago

Yesterday. She abandoned the dog we adopted together

Which now bothers me more than anything she did to me

Was I perfect absolutely not. But I loved her and wanted

To right every wrong that had ever been perpetrated

Against her. Do I love her probably. I haven't seen her

Since that day. She hid her new relationship . they are still

Together. He's a much older man and not much to look at

I miss the kids most of all. Being their stepdad loving their

Mom gave me an identity. And truth be told would be dead

Right now if it wasn't for those kids. I have a hard time

Letting go completely. Thought I had reached that place

Of being over it. I saw a picture the other day of them and

They both have appeared to put on alot of weight. I'm a

Bodybuilder and she was thick girl and she often made a

Big deal about my appearance and hers and oddly enough

The dad bod thing really reminds me of her with this guy.

I tried everything I could to love her and the kids and have

The life I thought we wanted. Am I mad this guy has that

Life ... oddly not I want her to be happy... I wanted it to be

With me. I dont know if I'll see her again... I blocked her on

Fb... changed my number but have the same emails so who

Knows. The fact remains regardless of the love I feel for

Her and the promises I made... I am quite sure I couldn't

Take her back. And any space she would take in my life

Would be to see the kids. I haven't been the same since

That relationship . I have no interest in sex whatsoever

I'm.much more quiet and reserved than I have ever been

I found out the dog we adopted that she abandoned found

A good home and they sent pics... and so I adopted a new

One and he has been a blessing. Now I work I lift weights

And day dream about nothing in particular. There are times

I still blame.myself for things but also recognize some of

Unhealthy things she did. I have a problem with

Acceptance... my family friends I felt never truelly accepted

And with her I did... I wanted kids w her and would have at

One time fought and died for her and the kids. But the lies

And crises that seemed to always pop up when I wasn't

Around ... I actually believed someone tried to abduct her

And that someone tried to break into our apartment one

Morning when I had already left for work... I realize now

They were lies or at very least a gross exaggeration of the

Events. I want to feel nothing for her... and would not bother

Me if she got roughed up a lil bit... I would like for her to

Realize she perjured the heart of a man who would have

Brought her the head of the John the Baptist had she

Requested it but I would like to see the kids and until that

Dies I can't help but not love their mother even if it was

A facade

[cj488]

From the most elevated, distant, soulful level, I could say yes. But at the personal level, she (my exBPDgf) is a wounded wildcat who seeks to torture those who love her. Too bad, as she is extraordinarily talented, beautiful, etc. Don't see this tiger changing its stripes anytime soon, and probably never for me. Safe distance is the only way to go. Appreciate the good times of the past, forget the torture, chalk it up to an education, and look forward to living your own life! 

[valet]

Yeah, probably.

Will I be in love with her again, though? I'd say that the odds weigh heavily against that.

Will I trust her again? Possibly yes, possibly no.

[zipline]

I thought I loved her and I tried to love her and I'm sure this is true of her, too.  But we honestly never actually achieved love because there was a fundamental foundation of fear, distrust, and anxiety that was ruling everything. The closer we got, the stronger these feelings dominated until it just imploded. You simply can't have real love without real trust and real intimacy. Caring for someone is not love, intense and strong experiences are not intimacy, and giving yourself over to someone when they don't reciprocate is not trust.

[zipline]

Sorry to double post. I want to add that I really do believe she was doing the best she could, as was I. I also believe that she is a beautiful and caring person who through no fault of her own is stuck in a cyclone of emotions that overwhelm her. I was so angry at her at first, but now I just understand this is the way it is. We will likely never talk again. Four months ago that was inconceivable to me. We were imagining a life together and starting a family. She'll soon move back to her home country and that will be that. That was hard to accept at first, but this is how it has to be.  I understand that I might have been a more triggering partner that another might have been, and I hope that her next partner is a better fit and can help her live a better life. She just doesn't deserve a life of anguish. I guess this is a kind of love, but not the kind I imagined we'd have.