The post-breakup roller coaster -

[Yolanda123]

I guess I just need to write down how I'm feeling... .having a tough day.

So I'm 17 days post breakup. (17 months r/s)

Trying to go NC but the exBPD has been popping up at my workplace parking lot 3 times since, and texting me every 3-4 days or so. Now I've blocked him so won't be getting any of his weird/irrational/detached/contradictory/I love you but can't be with you/are you with someone else/you did this and that wrong and that was very hard for me - type text messages.

I was doing pretty good the last few days I guess telling myself he's sick and is never gonna change and will never love anyone, I'm so relieved to be out of this toxic/painful r/s, I'm gonna take care of myself and I'm strong and I know the person I thought I loved so much did not really exist. That went well for a few days.

Then Thursday he texted me : I want you to know that I miss your company and your friendship a lot... .

Yup - my FRIENDSHIP... .and with a     

I feel like he's just playing with my heart and my head and I hate that. I love and hate him at the same time.

And today I went to a place where we used to go together a lot last summer and that was when we were so happy together and I thought I had met the man of my life. God was I in love and not believing my luck for having met him.

So all the good memories just hit me in the face and I am feeling so sad and I miss that person and that r/s so bad. Tomorrow's his birthday. So he's in my head a lot, a lot more that I'd like him to be and not in the way that I want him to be.

For now it really sucks to feel like this.

Thanks to everyone here - it helps just to write it down and to know that I'm not alone.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Can you not block his number to avoid his texts? Yes, he's testing your boundaries. Do your best to stay NC and if that's not possible, make sure your attitude towards him is one of indifference.

I now the feeling about going back to places with such good memories. It will be awhile before I do that or listen to some of the songs that reminds me of my exBPD. If possible, avoid those places.

Today my exBPD is meeting with her "separated husband" to discuss finalizing things and for him to get the rest of his stuff. IMO, I think I was just a diversion and a tool to be used in her battle against him. Who really knows the truth.

You know what else really stinks? My exBPD is an attractive woman. Her attention towards me made me feel quite attractive and special myself. Now I'm feeling that I was just an "easy mark". That can really mess with one's self confidence. I'm no slouch in the looks department but still... .

Sorry for going on about me

Stay strong Yolanda123... .you can do this! We all deserve better!

[Yolanda123]

Thanks WJH. I agree indifference and setting firm boundaries is the only way to protect ourselves. I did not reply to his text and I have blocked his number since.

As he lives 2 blocks away from my workplace, I'm afraid he's gonna show up there again. But I'm on vacation for 10 days so it gives me a break on that front. It's hard to remain indifferent when the person is in front of you... .I'm afraid I was not able to do this the last time he showed up... .

You're right, I will avoid the places and the music for a while... .I thought it would be good to go, as some kind of desensitization... .too fast I guess, and the minute I got there, I knew it was a bad idea.

Don't apologize for talking about your story... .It's the sharing of stories and experience that's so helpful here and knowing we're not alone in this and that we can help each other.

I totally understand the feeling of being used... .and of feeling so special and the effect on self-confidence... .that really hurts... .

We do deserve much better... .hang in there!