Hello, I'm new to the group.

[Emerging]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  I am the Mother to a daughter displaying many signs of BPD.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  My daughter's Father was diagnosed with BPD.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She is quite tenacious.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  She is having a difficult time dealing with the changes associated when entering into a new phase of life.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  Feeling helpless and scared as I witness the results of her impulsive behavior.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  She is undiagnosed as she is no longer desirous of continuing in therapy.  She had been diagnosed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder but has discontinued treatment after turning 18.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Exhaustion after many years of bearing the brunt of her frustration and anger; along with sadness and helplessness.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  I and her siblings are receiving therapy.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To be able to live a healthy and satisfying life.

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Welcome Emerging   I am glad you found this site.  It seems that the frustration and anger has led you here to try to make positive changes for you, your family and your daughter.  I have found so many answers, support and encouragement here, and I hope you will too.  Can you tell me what behaviors your daughter is exhibiting that you most want to see improved?  My own daughter is 27 and is diagnosed BPD and a few other things.  We have been through the wringer with her for years.  I am happy to report that there is hope. She is doing wonderfully, something I wouldn't have thought possible a year ago.  I spent time with the tools and lessons you will find on the right hand side of the page.  Learning to validate, and use S.E.T. and set boundaries with my husband's help and support has made a world of difference.   Please come back and tell us more.  You are not alone, all of us are dealing with the same things and we are here for you.  Best wishes---Madmom

[Emerging]

I too have found many answers, support and encouragement here in the past after my ex-husband's BPD diagnosis.  I am currently a “returning” newbie seeking support this time around as the parent of a BPD child (I think).  While she has not been clinically diagnosed as BPD, she had been in treatment for the past seven years for ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD.  She is currently 18 ½ and has exhibited much of the behavior described, in the PDR, ie low impulse control, self harming, addictive behavior, inability to maintain  stable relationships, dramatic mood swings, physically and verbally abusive behavior, self loathing, emptiness, blaming others and the inability to accept responsibility for her own actions (to name a few).   Her self destructive behavior began around the age of 11 and many professionals have been involved in her treatment.   Unfortunately, after her turning 18, she's decided to discontinue treatment as she feels it's not needed. 

Which leads me to the behavior I would most want to see improved... .sometimes it might just be one's own behavior – not the inadequacies of everyone else and the World out to get you.  Perhaps that is not a behavior; but the helpless need of one who loves another so much being pushed to the outside and watching them suffer from the inside out as they disregard tools provided because they view the tools, others and the World as “stupid”.   Perhaps it's the desire of those who have previously walked this road to see a better outcome.  My daughter's Father wiped out many in his wake before succumbing to the disease at the age of 57.  He is dearly missed; his lessons were not -- at least by the majority.

Family relations are strained.  I am not able to gain any traction on her returning to therapy which leads to tension between herself, me and her siblings (12 year-old twin brother and sister).  We bear the brunt of her rage while those on the outside see nothing but happiness and sunshine.  Other members of the family she just avoids.  Her brother and sister have become afraid of her due to her outbursts.  She recently (once) became physical toward her brother after she returned from college which he spoke about to me and his school guidance counselor.  Unfortunately, this became a “reportable event” to the Department of Children and Families (DCF).  Although the DCF investigation has been closed, her brother and sister remain afraid and concerned; as do I.  She is no longer living at home as she declined to follow the house rules, ie respect for other, no drugs, no physical violence, etc.   She regards herself as homeless because “I threw her out”; although she has been told she is welcome home at anytime provided she adheres to the boundaries set forth.  In the meantime, she has a home and her living expenses are being paid by me. 

Yes, frustration has led me to make further changes. But I hold no anger. I only have sadness and confusion.  I'm seeking guidance on the ways to help myself, my non BPD children, and my (perhaps) BPD child navigate this challenge yet once again.

[kelti1972]

Hi Emerging:

Welcome to this site.  Good luck as you read and become aware of so much support, education and knowledge here.  It is awesome and inspiring.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but then I just do what I can when I can.  Again welcome! Kelti