Then he tells me that he isn't sure if he 'likes' me, but he really hopes that things work out between us.
UGH! It drives me nuts when they talk out of both sides of their mouth at once. How can he hope things work out if he isn't even sure that he likes you?
That sounds frustrating.
How do you feel about things as you get some distance on it? What do you feel like YOU need to move forward in the relationship with him?
Honestly, the idea of change, even in the dynamic makes him anxious. During this break, I've been assertive and very independent. That's a significant difference from being actively addicted to doting on him all the time and responding to his every need. He doesn't know how to deal with that change.
In his first relationship, a break, though initiated by his gf, implied the beginning of the complete end. He's extremely apt to find patterns, so me asserting that we continue the break after he's broken down emotionally and asked for its termination is an emotional shock to him, as if his fears are founded. So he tries to distance himself and withdraw to analyse things better.
I need him to stop wigging out. If he wants to continue this relationship, things are really stable right now. There's a plethora of things we can both improve on and he himself admits he wants everything in the relationship to get to a healthy medium.
I also want him to do the DBT. I've dabbled in it enough to see that it's pretty effective. Was watching a video on dealing with a crisis yesterday and thought how much better I could have handled things in the past, had I those tools at my disposal. I don't have borderline, but I have experienced the effects of intense emotional dysregulation. Never as frequently as him, about two dozen or so episodes in the last 7 years, but I can see how his dysfunctional coping mechanisms could seem valid yet make things much worse.
This break has highlighted the issues for both of us. I really don't see a reason to give up. We're pretty compatible it seems. Will simply have to wait and see.