Distortion Campaign against me

[Youcantfoolme]

It's been a while since I've posted here. A lot has happened in my life since my last post button short, it's been almost 2 years since I've spoken to my brother and his BPD wife. I've made several attempts to try to mend fences with them but I was shot down each time. Recently they had a baby and I attempted to extend an olive branch by sending a gift to her (BPD) baby shower  and didn't receive so much as a thanks from either my brother or her. I was pretty hurt but not really surprised. As hurtful as it was it helped cement my belief that I his BPD wife has intentions of fixing things. She told my mom that it "wasn't her family" and therefore "isn't her job to thank me.". Ironically she sent thank you's out to the rest of MY family, who also aren't "her" family.

That gave me closure of sorts and again, reaffirmed that I'm making the correct decision by going full NC with them. I am at peace with it all. My mother however is another story. She just won't give up and hopes that one day my brother and I will reconcile and she will be able to enjoy holidays and celebrations with all of us in the same room. She's tried speaking to my brother about it on several occasions but he always shuts her down. In the end, we know my brother and what type of person his is (or was) and that he's not the type of person to hold grudges and not speak to people (especially his own flesh and blood) for great lengths of time. It's his BPD wife who has the real issue and so with that, my mom decided to call his BPD wife up and have a woman to woman discussion with her about reconciliation. From past experience my moms knows that she is the type of person who will lie and twist words around so my mom decided to record her (which is 100% legal in the state we live in) for her own sanity.

The conversation didn't go well. His wife pulled every BPD card in the book, out. First she blamed my brother for everything and denied having an issue with me but then she went on and on, in detail, with reasons to justify why she doesn't like me and what I did wrong. My mom let me listen to the recording (which I realize is sort of f'd up) and I was astonished at what I heard. I would love to hear a mental health professional's opinion about it. She made so many false accusations against me. One of the most ridiculous ones I heard was that threatened to destroy their wedding if I was invited! She even told my

Mom that she had the email in which I wrote that in and she even pretended to send it to my mom during their convo but my mom never received it! I NEVER did or said anything even remotely close to that. I can see where she pulls most of her bs from and how she twists things that I said to make them harmful and offensive towards her but this one was just pulled completely out of left field.

At the end of the day, I have to laugh at what she says because it's so ridiculous but at the same time it's very upsetting and hurtful. I realized that she is running a smear campaign against me and what makes it so upsetting is that my brother, WHO KNOWS ME and knows what type of person I am, is believing all of her lies! My mom and I have an extremely close relationship and we share everything, especially things pertaining to this situation and she was even trying to convince my mom that I was doing all these things to them behind her back and not telling her about it! It goes to show how little she knows about us.

I cannot believe how evil this woman is. It makes me wonder who else she's telling these things to and what other untrue things she is making up about me. What's even worse is that my brother is sitting there backing up everything she says and he KNOWS it's not the truth.

Has anyone else been a victim to a BPD's smear campaigns! If so, how did you handle it and do you have any suggestions for me?

[Kwamina]

Hi Youcantfoolme

Welcome back here  I am sorry to hear that you still have no contact with your brother. I remember very well how much this hurts you.

Being the target of smear campaigns is very unpleasant indeed. Even when you know what's being said isn't true, it's still frustrating, especially when other people hearing the stories might believe them. There are always two sides to a story though and if people choose to believe what's being said without verifying the story, this also says a great deal about them

Recently they had a baby and I attempted to extend an olive branch by sending a gift to her (BPD) baby shower  and didn't receive so much as a thanks from either my brother or her. I was pretty hurt but not really surprised. As hurtful as it was it helped cement my belief that I his BPD wife has intentions of fixing things. She told my mom that it "wasn't her family" and therefore "isn't her job to thank me.". Ironically she sent thank you's out to the rest of MY family, who also aren't "her" family.

I can imagine how strange this whole situation must be, knowing that your brother has had a child but not being a part of their life. You were not really surprised that they didn't respond to you, but understandably it nevertheless still hurts.

In the end, we know my brother and what type of person his is (or was) and that he's not the type of person to hold grudges and not speak to people (especially his own flesh and blood) for great lengths of time.

... .

I realized that she is running a smear campaign against me and what makes it so upsetting is that my brother, WHO KNOWS ME and knows what type of person I am, is believing all of her lies!

... .

What's even worse is that my brother is sitting there backing up everything she says and he KNOWS it's not the truth.

I know how you feel about your brother's wife. Her behavior definitely seems to be quite problematic. Your brother is still an adult though with a mind of his own and he's responsible for his own choices. Why do you think your brother goes along with her and chooses not to speak to you? Do you perhaps believe it is out of fear for his wife or guilt?

[Youcantfoolme]

Thank you Kwamina. Thank you for just understanding. To answer your question I think all of my brothers actions are fear based. Fear that his will have to feel her wrath of she goes against him. I've witnessed her wrath towards him before and I cannot even say I blame him. You're right though. He's an adult. He got himself into a very bad situation and has to deal with the consequences of his actions. This is his cross to bear, not mine. He will have to live with this. At this point I feel there's been so much damage done that I'm no longer interested in reconciliation with them. I just want them to be out f my life. I will always be there for my brother and should he ever come to me one day I will welcome him with open arms but I won't support him as long as she is in the picture and he's allowing her to control his life. I cannot do it, for my own mental wellbeing. I have my own family to worry about now.

[deux soeurs]

Hi youcan'tfoolm, I am sorry your SIL has targeted you for her distortion campaign. Just know you are not alone, and many of us here can share in your feelings.  You are blessed to have a close relationship with your mom.  Only people who have been targeted in this type of behavior can truly understand why sometimes NC is the only choice.  You have a healthy attitude:  you tried to make amends by reaching out to your brother and his wife and baby.  It did not work.  I admire you for saying you will always leave the door open for your brother.  I hope he knows.  I am also the victim of distortion campaign by my BPD sister.  She posts on a conduct disorders website.  She says terrible things about my FOO, mostly my deceased mother, my father, brother and me.  She has wrote things I've shared in confidence on that website, embellished, made up lies, horrible horrible things, a lot of which never happened.  She never mentions the horrible things and abuse she has put us through.  I only mention this because many here told me not to read her lies and it took a long time but I haven't read her garbage in over a month and boy... .life is peaceful.  I have been NC over a year and now with no reading her lies, she has no power or control over me and IT FEELS SO GOOD!  They are mentally ill and they will not stop their behavior.  We must protect ourselves and sometimes NC is the only way.  I hope your mom can eventually understand.