I surrender

Why do I keep wasting my time

Why do I keep believing his lies

Why do I stay when I know I need to go

Why is it all so hard

Why am i here

Why was I the "lucky" one

Who deserves this

I live in a state of numb

Never right never quite wrong either

Just under his thumb

Stuck

Never knowing what's going to set him off

It could be what I did or what I didn't do

What I said or the tone of my voice

But always in the end I lose

He believes the lies he calls feeling

Because feelings are real so they are true

Facts are only fragments

Feeling prevail

It's not stopping

Round and round the cycle just keeps circulating

There is nothing i can do or haven't tried to do

I'm just so tired

The two are separate

But all I see is a whole person

Determined by fear

I hate you, don't leave me

Why? Why?

As he sits and apologizes for being out of control

While still being out of control

This is my life

Please just stop.

Stop asking me what I'm doing wrong

Because the only thing wrong is staying

It's never going to get better... .



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