Alcohol and BPD

[Herodias]

I am just curious... .My stbx husband is an alcoholic. When we have gone to therapy, they always tell him he needs to quit drinking to figure out who he really is. I know in my heart of hearts, he is BPD. He has every symptom... .with Narcissistic tendancies. He has quit for a few weeks at a time, but always goes back to it. I believe he still has the personality when he is not drinking... .just as a "dry drunk". I wonder if anyone has experience with someone who is BPD and not an alcoholic or drug addict Sometimes I had hoped if he stopped drinking, it would at least be better... .not sure if that is really the case. Maybe he would have a bit more control though... .any thoughts? The drinking seemed to make everything escalate to the extreme.

[cloudten]

well mine is an alcoholic and drug addict. He has quit all drugs except pot. And until recently he has drastically cut back on alcohol. Frankly... .I don't think quitting/cutting back has made a difference. Extreme alcohol use does make him worse though.  I think the pot needs to be used very moderately... .but when he went several weeks without any is when he had extreme blow ups.

[fromheeltoheal]

Alcohol is a psychoactive drug and folks who enjoy the feel-good to the point of using it regularly as a coping mechanism use it as the solution, not the problem, although it creates problems of its own, the biggest being it doesn't solve any of the problems that motivated its use to begin with, it just masks them, so they usually get worse, along with the problems that the drinking itself creates.  None of this is news I'm assuming, although I do speak from a little too much experience with it earlier in life.  Live and learn.

I totally agree with the therapists who have said he needs to quit to find out who he is; someone under continuous influence of a psychoactive drug is definitely 'not himself'.  That said, borderlines are in psychic pain a lot, the alcohol is probably the solution in his head, and is one of a host of impulsive behaviors a borderline can use in an attempt to feel better.  My ex didn't drink or use drugs, her drugs of choice were ice cream and random blow jobs, but the underlying motivation was the same: feel better.  As far as 'being better' without drinking, anyone's life will improve by quitting drinking if it's become a problem of its own, although the underlying issues will be front and center without the masking, and if he does exhibit traits of the disorder, other solutions would need to be found, and there's that period between quitting drinking and finding new feel-goods where there's no relief, very uncomfortable.  But that's when we grow.  I don't know your whole story kim, but good luck and take care of you!

[UserName69]

Mine is an alcoholic and chain smoker. Anytime when she was drunk she became very annoying and gave me a hard time. She used to say hurtful things to me, when she was sober I used to confront her. She never could remember what she said. Whenever I told her that she drinks a lot and she needs to get some help, she freaked out like I insulted her family. There was a period she was drunk everyday, this is when the rs with her and her exBF ended.

We broke up now, still NC. I don't care how she's doing or what she's doing. I think she's even drinking now more because I decided to date an another girl.

[ShakinMyHead]

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