back again on this board after she pushed me and shoved me around

[michel71]

We were doing so well. Decided to once and for save our relationship. Bliss. Getting along. Talking. Relating. Good things were starting to happen. She was able to finally drop into a program to take just a few classes to sit for her nursing exam. All was looking up. For the last several weeks she has been in a summer program, taking a few classes that have been pretty intense but do-able, especially because she does not work and has all the time she needs to study. She has, however, decided that she wasn't going to clean the kitchen anymore, which had been her sole contribution around the house. I have always had to do everything... .cook, pick up, do my own laundry ( I like that better anyway), fix things, take care of things both practically and financially. Honestly I treated her like a queen and always have since we first met. I created a monster maybe.

Anyway so this morning, I took a look at the dirty kitchen that I just didn't have the energy to clean. I had cooked all day yesterday to make her some yummy dishes for the 4th. I went upstairs and decided to ask her to do me a favor and could she clean the kitchen today. She is so quick It only takes her about 10 minutes. She refused. She said the only thing she was going to do today was study. I became immediately miffed and went downstairs to do it myself. Then I was stewing about it. I went upstairs to tell her how unfair that was and that I have had to sacrifice a lot financially lately to keep her in school and I didn't think it was too much to ask. SHE FLIPPED OUT.

Flew from the bed across the room in seconds and pushed me and shoved me all the way into our master bathroom and up against the shower door, screaming at me that she hates me, that she is tired of my "tantrums" (HUH?) and that she wants to go back home ( to the UK where she is from). Screamed in my face to buy her a ticket now. She was so loud that I had to close the windows. I am sure the neighbors got an earful.

I warned her about getting physical with me. She has been in my face too many times to count. I have never touched her EVER, nor would I. I would honestly let her beat me up rather than raise a hand to her. I told her that she violated my boundaries and that I could call the police if I wanted to. She said "go ahead, you can't prove anything". She straight out told me that she would lie to the police.

I think she has crossed a line that I can't ignore. There is no hope for us anymore.

Right now she is busy tossing our wedding pictures out as well as cards and letters. That's not the first time she has done that.

To make matters worse, my daughter (whom I share custody with my ex) is coming tomorrow for a 4 week visit. How in the hell am I going to keep it together? So many things to sort out. Selling the car, etc. I need to raise the money to send her back and keep her on her feet. I will likely be putting my soon to be ex wife on a plane.

Any advise on how to keep myself alert and happy for my daughter?

Thanks.

[UserName69]

Lets be honest her and I never heard a succes story about a rs with a pwBPD. I don't think it's possible to have a healty rs with a pwBPD. The best thing to do is to move on and forget about them. Soon or late the RS will end for good, and she will still keep you as a pet whenever she's done petting her new BF she'll jump back to you. I had 14 BU's in 6 months. Enough is enough,

I really can't understand why a lot of people her on this board want to save their rs with their exBPD. I know it's love and yes I didn't want my RS to end with my exBPD. But at the end you'll be in a better spot without them. Just leave them and let them be who ever they want to be. They'll never experience real love.

My exBPD drove me crazy with her push pull behavior. It was just impossible to stay with her. I'm glad she isn't a part of my life anymore. There are tons of girls who're way better than her. Why stick to her?

In my situation every time when I went back to her she was worse. It didn't even take too long before we had a fight and we would break up.

[Loosestrife]

Hi

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, you must be devastated for you and anxious for your daughter.

My pwBPD starter pushing me and it soon escalated to violence like many of my friends said it would. I have said if it happens again I will call the police and that seemed to scare her. I stayed  in the relationship with the hope that things would get better with professional help and they have to some degree. But I have hate myself for not leaving when the boundary was crossed and if I'm being completely honest with myself I know things will never be the same again as I can't ever trust her completely.

I think it's quite alarming  that your w isn't event acknowledging her inappropriate behaviour and she is prepared to lie to the police to cover it up. I would give her the plane fare right now

and ask her to leave. Say you will sort things out with her over email. Your first priority needs to be keeping her away from your daughter.

Good luck 

[Turkish]

michel,

What's your safety plan for you and your daughter?

Safety First

As a leaver who had to live with my Ex for 4 months with then D1 and S2 until she could move out  I found that not only Leaving tools helped, but also those of Staying (to reduce conflict). Start keeping a secure journal, documenting what happened. Focus on facts.

[Thread]

Username   preach it!