avoidance

[rarsweet]

Here is my realization I haven't even mentioned to my shrink yet. I think my foo taught me to be so avoidant that I grew up and chose abusive, basically unavailable men.  They were built in avoidance excuses if that makes any sense?

[Sunfl0wer]

Oh man, I'm with ya today rarsweet!

Lol!  Are you saying that you are avoiding mentioning that you are avoidant to your T!  Nice!

I'm only smiling... .because I'm right there with ya!

One of my first T goals was to not procrastinate.  It is REALLY hard though!

I wish you were there for that session.  My T described it beautifully.  He told me some story about approach avoidance theory.  Ugh!  I googled a bit and cannot find a story that explains it well!

He talked about an experiment with a dog contained in a cage... .a piece of steak at the opposite end.  The dog would pace close to the steak... .but after passing a certain threshold... .there would be a charge at the dog that would make him stop.  He would contemplate this and again pace closer, then farther.  Eventually the dog would get hungry enough that he would subject himself to the discomfort to get the meat.  The pain of hunger would be stronger than the pain of the negative stimulus.

Being avoidant and procrastinating is associated with abuse.  My mind is mush... .I forget the why ATM.  Maybe I am used to discomfort and need a certain amount of anxiety to perform at some times... .there was something more though... .can't think of it. 

So this closer and farther thing of the dog is somewhat of a graph... .  I am working on performing somewhere in the middle of that cage/graph... .not over hungry... .perform tasks before they become urgent!

[rarsweet]

Lol you are exactly right, thank you for your input, makes so much sense. My whole family's motto is just forget, pretend, survive. I don't want to anymore.