BPD elderly parent

[Our abuse recovery guide]

  Well hello there! Blondekharma here, ready to talk about having an elderly BPD mother who is now in her 80's and is still crazy. She has never been diagnosed by a doctor, but my sister who has a PhD in psychology admits mom has BPD traits. I am not a doctor myself, but I've read a lot of books on the subject and I very much suspect mom has BPD. She was a rage-a-holic when we were kids, we were terrified of her. Anything could set her off, especially if she did not get her way and/or what she wanted. She has always been a queen bee type character, expecting her children to fly around her and meet her every demand. At times it can be exhausting if you let it get to you. Some people have "no contact" , which is understandable. But personally I can't cut her off because then my siblings would get stuck with all the work.I don't want to abandon my siblings.

[blondiekharma]

  Well hello there! Blondekharma here, ready to talk about having an elderly BPD mother who is now in her 80's and is still crazy. She has never been diagnosed by a doctor, but my sister who has a PhD in psychology admits mom has BPD traits. I am not a doctor myself, but I've read a lot of books on the subject and I very much suspect mom has BPD. She was a rage-a-holic when we were kids, we were terrified of her. Anything could set her off, especially if she did not get her way and/or what she wanted. She has always been a queen bee type character, expecting her children to fly around her and meet her every demand. At times it can be exhausting if you let it get to you. Some people have "no contact" , which is understandable. But personally I can't cut her off because then my siblings would get stuck with all the work.I don't want to abandon my siblings.

[workinprogress]

Blondie, I am in the same position as you with having a mother in her 80's that's BPD.  The difference is, I am the only one around who can help her and my dad.  It is very hard.

Like your mother, mine was always raging when we were kids.  I do think she is a bit remorseful about that now, though. 

It is difficult to have such mixed feelings about your mother and watching her age.  It is sad.  I love her because she is my mother, but I can see how she wrecked a large portion of my life.  I also understand that she had a difficult life and responded to my brother and I the best way she knew how.

Good luck with everything!

[HappyChappy]

She was a rage-a-holic when we were kids, we were terrified of her.

Welcome BlondieKarma, I never knew Karma came in different colors, I think I’m going shopping latter.

My BPD like yours is a rage-a-holic. She had a way of appearing “crazy” whilst still being strategic. So she rage in a restaurant drawing attention from all, and the minute the manager said “OK we won’t charge” she’d stop immediately. She has a PHD in “their nothing wrong with me” so I’d love to see how far your sister got with diagnosing her or your mom. Hopefully that wasn’t her only reason for learning Psychology.

I have siblings but we’re all LC to NC, due to our BPD being  very Queen/Witch and abusive. She once went to Yoga and was thrown out, due to “winding everyone else up”. That’s the closest she came to Karma.

So what drew you to this forum ? What experiences do you want to share, what questions do you have ? I'm all ears.