"You always play the victim"

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Seriously, after years of counseling and years of spending time on this board, I still allow her to make me feel like I am a terrible human being and everything that has ever happened is my fault. Despite 10 yrs of on/off and every excuses possible under the sun, despite 8 months of no-contact from last summer when she was supposed to get married to someone else (which broke off 2 weeks before the wedding in April), I still think maybe after this rock bottom stage of her life she will start seeing things differently. After 2 months of extreme niceness towards me, just one question to her - "will you leave again out of the blue like you always have" sets off the firestorm and even a week later I am the worst human being on the planet. Sorry for the venting. Its just... .my pain never being acknowledged and always having an excuse for her behavior, and if I dare to ask a question or bring up something that hurt me... ."you always play the victim. grow up."

[elessar]

Seriously, after years of counseling and years of spending time on this board, I still allow her to make me feel like I am a terrible human being and everything that has ever happened is my fault. Despite 10 yrs of on/off and every excuses possible under the sun, despite 8 months of no-contact from last summer when she was supposed to get married to someone else (which broke off 2 weeks before the wedding in April), I still think maybe after this rock bottom stage of her life she will start seeing things differently. After 2 months of extreme niceness towards me, just one question to her - "will you leave again out of the blue like you always have" sets off the firestorm and even a week later I am the worst human being on the planet. Sorry for the venting. Its just... .my pain never being acknowledged and always having an excuse for her behavior, and if I dare to ask a question or bring up something that hurt me... ."you always play the victim. grow up."

[UserName69]

I can relate to this. It's not your fault. My exBPD blamed everything on me, and I really believed it. Later when I found out about BPD I knew it wasn't my fault. She's projecting her behavior on you, mine accused me for being a BPD. Just in case you wondered the rs lasted for 6 months we broke up 14 times and had so many fights. It was just impossible to stay with her.

I used to be push pulled like you to and I know how crazy it's going to drive you. One moment she loves you the other moment she doesn't want to see you. I know how much that hurts.

Don't take anything serious what she says, in almost all cases it's a lie or it's meant to hurt you. Don't give her that power. I think NC in your case would help you a lot, you see when you still have contact with your exBPD soon or late she's going to try and manipulate you. If not she's going to try to hurt you.

[Forestaken]

It ain't you. - they'll never express their misdeeds: It make them out to the bad person which conflicts with their "perfect" reality.

Are you really a bad person? Victim?

I was a victim and started (over time) not to be.  Honestly, a lot of times being the victim is easier but not better.

Once when my Xw was punching me in the face, I stood up to her and said "Is that the best you got?  Hit me again, HIT ME!  She stopped.