Hey disorderedsociety,
I'm very much in the same timeframe as you. Seven months out. I would venture to say that at this point I look at my past relationship with my BPDex with nothing more than a clinical curiosity. I can tell you what I did that helped me but it may not work well for everyone.
The first thing that I should say though is that by the end when I broke up with my ex things had slid to a point where it was inevitable. I was very upset and a shell of who I used to be (this is an important point). I ended things definitely.
What I immediately noticed after breaking up is that I was a shell of who I used to be. My identity (hobbies, interests, friendships) were basically broken down. So it was more the fear of facing the world alone than of losing my ex that was difficult.
So what helped was a couple of things. First, to her credit she never contacted me again. I wondered about her for a while (and still passively do) but the NC was firm. That did help a lot and I know it's not always in everyone's control. But I suggest trying to maintain or establish an environment of NC.
Second, try to change your physical surroundings for a while. Redecorate or reorganize your living space. Get rid of all triggers (gifts and things you got together). If you want to, obviously. I did. It was difficult but now I am glad that I have done that. I actually was able to move to a new apt shortly after the breakup, which helped, but I know it's not possible for everyone to do that.
Third, and this is what helped me a lot, is to try to get out there again in the social world. Reconnecting with friends and family is great, but this is also an opportunity to go on casual dates. If you're not ready for a relationship that's fine! But think about making a dating profile. It's fun and a way for you to remember just how great of a person you are! It also gives you a chance to see how many people are out there. If you go on casual dates that's great too. That actually really helped me. It was amazing to go on first dates and be proud of myself and meet people who were genuinely interested. And, you know, you may find a person who is a good fit and likes you for who you are
If you don't want to go on casual dates then I suggest trying to find another social outlet. As silly as it sounds, there are many adult leagues for sports that vary from kickball to softball. Kickball is what I do, and it's not about competition. It's about meeting new people and finding new friends. The key is to get out there in the social world. When your social sphere is dominated by echoes from the past it is difficult to move on.
Look up WAKA - world adult kickball association. Or try to look up meetups online for various things - be it food related or language related or whatever.
I found that one of the hardest things for me was to be alone. I had trouble being alone because my life was so dominated by my ex. Finding myself through interacting with other people helped me and it continues to help me. The key is that you don't have to jump into another relationship but you can form new ones anyway.
