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[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Well, last week she was refusing to sign a financial agreement prior to selling our house- and she sent me lots of threatening texts regarding this, about our kids, and saying she will take the house off the market. 

This week she decided that she wanted the financial agreement signed prior to selling the house- sending me lots of texts, threatening to take the house off the market etc...

Well, financial agreement signed today... .

She has signed away any claims for spouse maintenance and child maintenance.  The agreement she signed is for shared care of our kids; and it also divided the equity 50-50.  The only sting will be a pensions sharing order... .although she will have to pay for this to happen (£3K+).

As a result, contracts have been exchanged on our house... .meaning she can't back out of the sale... .we have to vacate by the 23rd August.

Well... .one step closer to having less chaos.

[SES]

Well, last week she was refusing to sign a financial agreement prior to selling our house- and she sent me lots of threatening texts regarding this, about our kids, and saying she will take the house off the market. 

This week she decided that she wanted the financial agreement signed prior to selling the house- sending me lots of texts, threatening to take the house off the market etc...

Well, financial agreement signed today... .

She has signed away any claims for spouse maintenance and child maintenance.  The agreement she signed is for shared care of our kids; and it also divided the equity 50-50.  The only sting will be a pensions sharing order... .although she will have to pay for this to happen (£3K+).

As a result, contracts have been exchanged on our house... .meaning she can't back out of the sale... .we have to vacate by the 23rd August.

Well... .one step closer to having less chaos.

[livednlearned]

Good news!

In BPD world, it's important to recognize small breakthroughs -- they eventually add up.

When she sends the barrage of texts, do you ignore them? I learned to ignore them, and while they did not go away completely, they did become less frequent. And more importantly, I recognized that they were more about him than me. Hurt people hurt people, that's what he taught me.

This also shows that she can do the right thing -- clearly she doesn't get there by going in a straight line. But at least she can do the right thing when it's time. My guess is that her attorney is working on your behalf by explaining how she'll end up hurting herself in the end 

[SES]

I hope her lawyer is trying to talk sense to her.

Yes, I ignore all of her texts.  The last couple of weeks there have been quite a few some days: very frantic ones regarding the financial agreement- threatening regarding the kids and the house; quite a few accusing me of neglecting our kids; some being friendly, offering to be helpful (which are the ones I find harder to digest).  Often her texts accuse me of being aggressive... .when I am just factual.   I just look at her texts once a day.  I get some days without anything, then a flurry of abuse.  I haven't seen her for about 8 weeks now.  I can't wait to move out properly.  Its been really hard over the last year.  When I think about everything that has happened- it just seems so utterly crazy.  

I feel so lucky that I work in the mental health field, as I have so many colleagues who knew what it was (BPD) before I ever did.  A psychologist I work with recently asked me if I look back and can now see that these behaviours were there all the time.  It is something I haven't been able to accept until recently- always maintaining that things have been ok but just went crazy in the last year of two.  My colleague knew the truth though... .I had to admit that when I now look back- all of this was present from the start- just not as bad as this.  I have never told anyone what she was like all of those years- probably because I knew what friends and family would say, and I felt embarrassed.  

I am lucky with my friends and colleagues- without whom I wouldn't have coped at all.   A friend has lent me his house this week, while he is on holiday with his family. Another friend (a psychiatrist) paid for a weekend break away at a zoo with my kids this weekend (as a birthday present for my daughter).  

We have to be out in a month.  I am planning to leave in the next week or two.  She took most of our possessions already (in storage).  I am thinking of starting completely afresh.  Just taking the things I have left of sentimental value, and my paperwork.  I have to accept that I have lost loads of things, including things belonging to my late sister.  I think my children and my sanity are more important than possessions.  

The good news is, I  (and my children)no longer have to have a life like this.  I might try for no contact- for life.  No contact makes things much easier.  

[Panda39]

Hi SES,

I'm so happy to hear your news.  I know you still have lots to do but I'm so glad to hear you're moving forward no longer stuck in limbo. Selling the house is huge.  I know you will breathe easier once you get settled in your own place. 

I also wanted to say you have some great friends that have stepped up and shown they really care about you.

I might try for no contact- for life.  No contact makes things much easier. 

Unfortunately, when you have kids some kind of contact is required but you can keep it to a minimum.  Remember we have the Co-Parenting Board if you ever need support with parenting issues.

Keep us posted on how things progress.

Panda39