Marriage

[Depression = 72% of members]

Divorced after 30 years marriage after multiple therapist, adultery, & childhood sexual abuse. Remarried (I projected his progress (not) onto him) & remarried. Cycles of withdrawal, entitlement, anger, distortion of truth and pushing boundaries continue. I suffer from the anxiety, uncertainty, and lack of a partner. I pay all bills. 30 days in to last cycle after he wants divorce. I cannot be the teacher; I am resented. Trying to disengage but I think he would sulk in spare bedroom forever so long as he has freedom to do all his busy activities. My codependency has gotten better with years. Feel a spiritual obligation towards him. When is it too much for me?

[Debenees]

Divorced after 30 years marriage after multiple therapist, adultery, & childhood sexual abuse. Remarried (I projected his progress (not) onto him) & remarried. Cycles of withdrawal, entitlement, anger, distortion of truth and pushing boundaries continue. I suffer from the anxiety, uncertainty, and lack of a partner. I pay all bills. 30 days in to last cycle after he wants divorce. I cannot be the teacher; I am resented. Trying to disengage but I think he would sulk in spare bedroom forever so long as he has freedom to do all his busy activities. My codependency has gotten better with years. Feel a spiritual obligation towards him. When is it too much for me?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hello Debenees,



So you remarried your husband after divorce. Am I reading this correctly? Was it he who was sexually abused?

Feeling that you lack a partner is frustrating, and hurtful. Expectations are different, and the ways in which you both cope can contribute to conflict. Its good that you've stepped away from co-dependent behaviors, but it sounds like you're stuck in a cycle.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to be a teacher. At some point, I realized that I had fallen into a similar dynamic, and my resentment grew.

Have you seen the lessons to the right of this board? Learning about BPD is a good first step. Then absorbing communication tools to reduce conflict, and lastly, tips on how to take care of yourself. Its never too late to take back control of our lives.

Take Care,

Turkish

[Debenees]

Yes I remarried him. He still kept his girlfriend on the side and blamed me for divorcing him. I don't know how I projected all better now into him. Yes he was the victim of childhood abuse.