hey lilyroze, and
very glad you found us, but very sorry for your situation. i can certainly understand feeling overwhelmed, you have been doing an awful lot of work for a very long time, work that is supposed to be equally distributed though might be overwhelming even if it was . it sounds exhausting .
"To go from yes buy the house, will be great to be in new house, fun and love you. To I want a divorce, you make me unhappy, I am unfulfilled from you, to say I was shell shocked is ... .well... .an understatement."
that behavior definitely leaves a person shell shocked as well as feeling unappreciated and incredibly confused. unfortunately, in a relationship with a pwBPD, it is all too common. it makes you wonder, if this person really felt that way, that they couldnt have communicated that. BPD is thought of as a persecution complex. by the very nature of the disorder, all of the emotional and even physical care taking is ultimately seen as control and bondage. it may be of small comfort, but understanding this, and BPD behaviors can really help depersonalize so much of our experience.
"He has had his 5th accident. Totaling 5 cars ( my older Mercedes, and 4 Volvos). Happens every 18 months, not sure what is up with that."
one of the diagnostic criteria is impulsive behavior, and this commonly includes reckless driving.
i am glad you are now in a position where you can begin to improve your life, and i commend you for reaching out to us, we are here for you . what kinds of things are you doing to bring yourself some peace and relief? do you have a support system in terms of friends and family, and have you considered seeing a therapist?
