She left me and I can't get over her

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi Guys, this post was posted on another forum. Someone on that forum recommended that I post here because the characteristics I described seemed like I was in a relationship with a BPD. Im not to sure if my ex girlfriend has BPD but I have done tons of research and many of the symptoms that are described, describe my ex girlfriend. Right now I haven't heard from her in 5 weeks. I think it is pretty much over but she has said before that she was over me but she took me back. Any info on BPD or anything would be much appreciated guys. Thanks and sorry for the long post!

Hey guys Im 19 years old and this is the first time I have ever been dumped. I have never been this devastated before in my entire life and it has been two months since me and my girlfriend have broken up. It has been nearly six weeks since we have split and it seems that I'm not making very much progress. All I do is think about my ex girlfriend every day. We were together for 1 1/2 years and it was the best thing that I have ever had. I don't want to go into too much detail but I'd like advice and I'd like to hear other people's opinions on what they have to say.

Basically me and my ex girlfriend got together in January of 2014. From January to December of 2014 was great. Everything was going well and we fought but the fights were able to be resolved. Overall this girl means a lot to me and in 2014 she accidentally became pregnant, which led to an abortion. I believe this put a strain on our relationship because all she wanted was to be a mother. All she talked about was having a family and having kids. Unfortunately I guess I wasn't that emotional during the abortion because I was very scared of what my parents and her parents would think. So, my girlfriend thought I didn't care and she was devastated of losing the kid but also she loved to call me an ********* because I wasn't that emotional. Long story short towards the end of 2014 she was finishing up her first semester of college which didn't go to well. She was scared of telling her parents she was failing out of college. So, she decided to try to take her own life and this was completely out of the blue. Well anyways, she didn't succeed and went to the hospital for an overdose. So to sum this part up she was referred to a psychiatrist and she started to take the pill from the devil called Zoloft, which is an anti depressant.

Well I guess I have to go into detail about my girlfriends personality too. Basically she and her mom are exactly alike. When I first met her she was seeing a psychologist because she has certain anxieties, I believe it is called social anxiety. Her mother has similar problems but she also takes xanax to alleviate her anxiety symptoms. Anyways, my girlfriend is a jealous obsessive type, which is just like her mom. So as our relationship progressed i started to see less and less of my friends. Eventually when we hit about the 8th month mark of my relationship, I didn't see my friends what so ever. Every once in a blue moon, say every month in a half or so, I would see my boys to hangout. The problem with this was she was obsessive and jealous every time I'd hangout with them or if I was not with her. I basically saw this girl 24/7, literally for our whole relationship, I saw her just about 7 days a week. Slowly but surely we started to fight throughout 2014, it was more fighting about her being jealous and obsessive. Since the relationship was only going on for a few months I just decided to accept the way she was and I basically cut off all my friends. I just didn't want to deal with the fighting cause it seemed like every time I went out with my boys I would get into a fight. And no it is not like I was cheating or anything, I have no business doing that.

So, speaking in more recent terms from january 2015 to june 2015 the relationship started to go really downhill. This is where my problem with the anti depressants occur. My girlfriend who was obsessive and jealous seemed to get worse. Her whole personality flipped and she becomes MEGA jealous and obsessive. For example, if i looked or responded to a waitress while ordering food, it would set her off and wreck our whole date night. From January to June we fought often about the way she acted because I started to get sick of it. But when we fought she would not even care about the way I felt. But, before she was on the anti depressants she would at least listen to me and acknowledge certain aspects of the way I felt. Even when we fought prior to being on the anti depressants she at least showed emotion and cried. During those six months of fighting we broke up 4 times, including the break up now. During those fights they would get heated because I just couldn't deal with the way she acted. Overall I thought the medicine and a therapist that she is seeing would help, but it seems to make it worse. The main concern I have now is her personality change. Every time we broke up, which she was the dumper, I would come crawling back to her begging and crying. She'd take me back and we'd be okay for a few weeks/months and the fighting would start up again. Anyways my point is she didn't cry or seem to care when we broke up, like it didn't bother her as much as it bothered me and some how I always came begging back. Do you think the anti depressants changed her or is this really who she is?

I will not lie, I'm not an angel and I have raised my voice/yelled at her a few times for the way she acted but I reached my boiling point. I thought that maybe if I can just deal with the way she is, she'll eventually change because she is on meds and seeing a therapist. Obviously that wasn't the case. Anyways she dumped me in mid june because she said we are on different pages. The last month of our relationship I became tired and sick of the way she acted. Quite honestly I started to not give her as much attention and I was always playing on my phone or watching TV when with her. I didn't mean to do that but when I tried talking to her about her problems she felt that I'm more of the cause or I need to see a therapist because I get angry with her too much. Honestly I love this girl so much, a lot of people will probably say why would you want to be with a person like that? She was special and one of a kind, we went through a lot of things together and I really can't get over her. I wish she would change because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I guess you can say I was unhappy the last month of my relationship, but I love her so much so I wanted to stay and see if she would change. Anyways a week after she broke up with me she found a new boyfriend or guy. He is apparently around thirty years old and she is only 19. I don't know how she could move on so quickly because she wasn't talking to him prior. This guy is her boss at her job. Which she started the job a week before we broke up, so its not like she knew him.

I know I'm blabbering but I have to get this all off my chest because I don't know where I stand with her. Basically she told me not to talk to her again blah blah blah. But she led me on for two weeks saying she loves me and she had sex with me. But after those two weeks she said she doesn't want to lead me on. She told me she doesn't want to see me because it makes her want to get back with me. I really want her back and I have heard from her in like 4 weeks. Im devastated and depressed. I almost took my life and I started hurting myself. This girl was literally my best friend and she meant everything to me, despite her flaws. Please help! A few days before we broke up she told me to never leave her and that she loves me very much. I even bought her an expensive promise ring. I was very serious with this relationship and now its over.

Anyways, I'm a firefighter, going to college, and I work a part time job. Im usually tired and stressed. At times I couldn't deal with her crap and I'd usually raise my voice at her out of frustration because we fought often. Well guys please respond I'm trying to move on but I'd love to talk to her a last time just to talk about us.

[Subaruboy]

Hi Guys, this post was posted on another forum. Someone on that forum recommended that I post here because the characteristics I described seemed like I was in a relationship with a BPD. Im not to sure if my ex girlfriend has BPD but I have done tons of research and many of the symptoms that are described, describe my ex girlfriend. Right now I haven't heard from her in 5 weeks. I think it is pretty much over but she has said before that she was over me but she took me back. Any info on BPD or anything would be much appreciated guys. Thanks and sorry for the long post!

Hey guys Im 19 years old and this is the first time I have ever been dumped. I have never been this devastated before in my entire life and it has been two months since me and my girlfriend have broken up. It has been nearly six weeks since we have split and it seems that I'm not making very much progress. All I do is think about my ex girlfriend every day. We were together for 1 1/2 years and it was the best thing that I have ever had. I don't want to go into too much detail but I'd like advice and I'd like to hear other people's opinions on what they have to say.

Basically me and my ex girlfriend got together in January of 2014. From January to December of 2014 was great. Everything was going well and we fought but the fights were able to be resolved. Overall this girl means a lot to me and in 2014 she accidentally became pregnant, which led to an abortion. I believe this put a strain on our relationship because all she wanted was to be a mother. All she talked about was having a family and having kids. Unfortunately I guess I wasn't that emotional during the abortion because I was very scared of what my parents and her parents would think. So, my girlfriend thought I didn't care and she was devastated of losing the kid but also she loved to call me an ********* because I wasn't that emotional. Long story short towards the end of 2014 she was finishing up her first semester of college which didn't go to well. She was scared of telling her parents she was failing out of college. So, she decided to try to take her own life and this was completely out of the blue. Well anyways, she didn't succeed and went to the hospital for an overdose. So to sum this part up she was referred to a psychiatrist and she started to take the pill from the devil called Zoloft, which is an anti depressant.

Well I guess I have to go into detail about my girlfriends personality too. Basically she and her mom are exactly alike. When I first met her she was seeing a psychologist because she has certain anxieties, I believe it is called social anxiety. Her mother has similar problems but she also takes xanax to alleviate her anxiety symptoms. Anyways, my girlfriend is a jealous obsessive type, which is just like her mom. So as our relationship progressed i started to see less and less of my friends. Eventually when we hit about the 8th month mark of my relationship, I didn't see my friends what so ever. Every once in a blue moon, say every month in a half or so, I would see my boys to hangout. The problem with this was she was obsessive and jealous every time I'd hangout with them or if I was not with her. I basically saw this girl 24/7, literally for our whole relationship, I saw her just about 7 days a week. Slowly but surely we started to fight throughout 2014, it was more fighting about her being jealous and obsessive. Since the relationship was only going on for a few months I just decided to accept the way she was and I basically cut off all my friends. I just didn't want to deal with the fighting cause it seemed like every time I went out with my boys I would get into a fight. And no it is not like I was cheating or anything, I have no business doing that.

So, speaking in more recent terms from january 2015 to june 2015 the relationship started to go really downhill. This is where my problem with the anti depressants occur. My girlfriend who was obsessive and jealous seemed to get worse. Her whole personality flipped and she becomes MEGA jealous and obsessive. For example, if i looked or responded to a waitress while ordering food, it would set her off and wreck our whole date night. From January to June we fought often about the way she acted because I started to get sick of it. But when we fought she would not even care about the way I felt. But, before she was on the anti depressants she would at least listen to me and acknowledge certain aspects of the way I felt. Even when we fought prior to being on the anti depressants she at least showed emotion and cried. During those six months of fighting we broke up 4 times, including the break up now. During those fights they would get heated because I just couldn't deal with the way she acted. Overall I thought the medicine and a therapist that she is seeing would help, but it seems to make it worse. The main concern I have now is her personality change. Every time we broke up, which she was the dumper, I would come crawling back to her begging and crying. She'd take me back and we'd be okay for a few weeks/months and the fighting would start up again. Anyways my point is she didn't cry or seem to care when we broke up, like it didn't bother her as much as it bothered me and some how I always came begging back. Do you think the anti depressants changed her or is this really who she is?

I will not lie, I'm not an angel and I have raised my voice/yelled at her a few times for the way she acted but I reached my boiling point. I thought that maybe if I can just deal with the way she is, she'll eventually change because she is on meds and seeing a therapist. Obviously that wasn't the case. Anyways she dumped me in mid june because she said we are on different pages. The last month of our relationship I became tired and sick of the way she acted. Quite honestly I started to not give her as much attention and I was always playing on my phone or watching TV when with her. I didn't mean to do that but when I tried talking to her about her problems she felt that I'm more of the cause or I need to see a therapist because I get angry with her too much. Honestly I love this girl so much, a lot of people will probably say why would you want to be with a person like that? She was special and one of a kind, we went through a lot of things together and I really can't get over her. I wish she would change because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I guess you can say I was unhappy the last month of my relationship, but I love her so much so I wanted to stay and see if she would change. Anyways a week after she broke up with me she found a new boyfriend or guy. He is apparently around thirty years old and she is only 19. I don't know how she could move on so quickly because she wasn't talking to him prior. This guy is her boss at her job. Which she started the job a week before we broke up, so its not like she knew him.

I know I'm blabbering but I have to get this all off my chest because I don't know where I stand with her. Basically she told me not to talk to her again blah blah blah. But she led me on for two weeks saying she loves me and she had sex with me. But after those two weeks she said she doesn't want to lead me on. She told me she doesn't want to see me because it makes her want to get back with me. I really want her back and I have heard from her in like 4 weeks. Im devastated and depressed. I almost took my life and I started hurting myself. This girl was literally my best friend and she meant everything to me, despite her flaws. Please help! A few days before we broke up she told me to never leave her and that she loves me very much. I even bought her an expensive promise ring. I was very serious with this relationship and now its over.

Anyways, I'm a firefighter, going to college, and I work a part time job. Im usually tired and stressed. At times I couldn't deal with her crap and I'd usually raise my voice at her out of frustration because we fought often. Well guys please respond I'm trying to move on but I'd love to talk to her a last time just to talk about us.

[introvert]

Welcome! I'm also 19 and dated my dBPDexgf for 1.5 years. I noticed many similarities in our stories. Even the length of the idealization stage. Anyways, I wouldn't be so sure to blame the Zoloft for the way she treated you. It's likely that she started to devalue you around the same time she started taking the medication. I can relate to the feelings of your ex seeming special and one of a kind. That may be true but there are plenty of other girls that are also special and one of a kind.

Being isolated from your friends absolutely sucks. I was and still am in the same boat to some extent. It is SO important that you make an effort to build friendships right now. Eventually they might be able to introduce you to other women as well. Being as young as we are, it can be hard to believe that we'll ever be able to connect with someone else like we did with our exes. The truth is, we've only had about 3 years of potential serious dating time and we haven't even hit the prime age window. We have so much time to meet people.

In the long term, my ex's BPD qualities would have held me back in a number of ways and caused an extreme amount of stress/pain. Do you feel the same way about your ex? It's important to ensure that we aren't looking at the relationship through heart-shaped glasses.

[introvert]

I want to add that losing someone that we spent almost every day with obviously comes with incredible pain. The most helpful thing for me has been getting out/talking with friends and building my confidence. For me, lifting has really helped with the latter (I'm pretty scrawny) but there are a number of other things you could do. I wish you the best and I can relate to the kind of pain you carry with you. I still think about my ex every day and it's been almost 2 months. I've been glad she's gone for the past month, however.

[soar]

Typically BPD relationships are difficult to detach from so cut yourself some slack about the way you feel. The relationships are highly addictive and we see ourselves in the other person (because they mirror us).

I would agree with Introvert. I would guess that the tablets were not the cause of your pain. It's much more likely to be the BPD. As you read more about the condition, you'll see that once you get close to these people, they push you away and in the process you get hurt. I can imagine you're looking for something to blame for the downfall in your relationship but i highly doubt its the tablets. it's sadly just the fact your ex has BPD.

I hope this helps.

[rg1976]

I know this very difficult for you.

A few things:

1) It sounds like she has problems, yet you loved her very much. Some people, especially those with emotional difficulties will push us past our breaking points when it comes to anger and etc. More important than replaying the scenerio and trying to figure out what happened, or figuring out the other person or the particular situation; this is an opportunity to learn yourself.  Self-discovery: What exactly is it about you that allowed you to become involved with someone who isn't emotionally healthy?

Bottom line: Work on discovering your issues and resolving them; fix yourself.

2) You're 19 years old. In a way, this relationship is a blessing to you. Count yourself lucky that she is "gone" and you didn't marry and waste a lifetime with someone who couldn't truly love you in return.  Do yourself a favor and let her go.

Bottom line: Only invest in quality for relationships.


3) You mentioned that "she is special". Isn't everyone if you give yourself the opportunity to know and love them? Find the things that were attractive to you about her. Analyze them. Were there unhealthy things? What part of your psyche drew you to them? Now: there are most likely other availble females in geographical proximity to you who will meet your needs and possibly some without the drama.

Bottom line: don't get hung up on one person, find someone attractive to you without the drama.

I hope this is helpful to you. It may take a while, but you will get there. Try not to get discouraged.