Where are you now?

[Depression = 72% of members]

So it has been quite some time since i have been here...    I wanted to see how YOU all are doing / dealing with your situations / relationships.  What was your decision for moving on and how are you doing now?      I don't want to remember anything from "then" anymore, it has been a long hard journey but I am in a better place now than I was then.  Feelings of emptiness, betrayal, deception, darkness, hopelessness and no faith no longer wander my thoughts anymore.  I am much stronger and wiser now     

The stories shared here and the good advice given helped me tremendously, I sought help after wanting to take my own life after losing myself.  I gave it the benefit of the doubt for a long time until i couldn't take it anymore.   All portals of communication have been cut off, I've moved on and am happy with myself.   Where are you at in getting / finding yourself back?   

[Grissum69]

So it has been quite some time since i have been here...    I wanted to see how YOU all are doing / dealing with your situations / relationships.  What was your decision for moving on and how are you doing now?      I don't want to remember anything from "then" anymore, it has been a long hard journey but I am in a better place now than I was then.  Feelings of emptiness, betrayal, deception, darkness, hopelessness and no faith no longer wander my thoughts anymore.  I am much stronger and wiser now     

The stories shared here and the good advice given helped me tremendously, I sought help after wanting to take my own life after losing myself.  I gave it the benefit of the doubt for a long time until i couldn't take it anymore.   All portals of communication have been cut off, I've moved on and am happy with myself.   Where are you at in getting / finding yourself back?   

[rotiroti]

A little older and (hopefully) a lot wiser! This experience has really helped me to look inwards to seek answers about my current station in life. The initial search of finding out what was wrong with my pwBPD turned into looking for why I even ended up there in the first place. I've since reconnected with friends, family, hobbies and most importantly, myself. It's nice to rediscover new things about myself even at my age.

It's funny seeing this post, I actually saw a recent update from user arn151arn titled "hope" where he updated us on his new life. It was incredibly empowering and exciting to read... .I ended up going back to the first few posts ever made on this website and even found posts by Skip. And even posts by the moderators when they first came here lost and confused. Really cool to see progress!

[SGraham]

Thanks for asking, Like never againthanks said, a little older. Im still hurt and confused but at least i can now look back at the whole situation more objectively. But anyways, its awesome to hear you've come so far grissum! Seeing others struggles and triumphs has given me a great deal of solace.

[Lostone1314]

16 months out after being discarded for another... 13 months nc except for 2 chance close encounters with nc...

Still feeling betrayed,humiliated ect ect I'm not ruminating as much nor do I miss her but I do miss the dream she sold me on... been to T to rid myself of self blame and although T confirms she is disordered in some way I can't help but wonder had I done some things differently would there have been a better outcome... one without the abuse,one breaking up without the bs of cheating,lies and sexting... logically I know none of this matters anymore we are well and truely done still my mind wanders back and forwards.

[greenmonkey]

I am fast approaching 9 months no contact and it is also nearly 10 months since I got her out of my life.

Where am I now ? well I had to move a few hundred miles away due to the constant stalking and harassment - I threw her out as I discovered a web of lies going back for the whole of the three years together. She was a pathological liar, only had interest in £ signs and gave me silent treatment etc etc

I signed myself off work one year ago as she had close to destroyed me - my job is looking after others - and I could not look after myself.

Well now my life has transformed - I am now back at work, I have been promoted to management in a male dominated industry. I run areas and teams of 10 guys at festivals and events across the country.

I have lost close to 4 stone, through cycling 30 odd miles a day - when I am not working. I raise money for charity through long distance cycling. I am very happily single, not wishing to change that any time soon, and I am nearly back to who I was before the uBPD entered my life.

I have grown as a person and learnt so much from it, I look at myself as the new upgraded version.

Yes she still stalks me on FB - but she can't gain anything from it - I have enhanced security around my house with CCTV should she appear.

All in all my life is good and by that I mean very good, I am happy and content and enjoying my life - I guess you can't beat that.

[.cup.car]

Signed up here a year ago just before I went to the police about her. Two court dates and one violation (on her part) later, I'm still rattled.

After dealing with her and seeing the new batch of third wave feminists, it's difficult to not fear women.

My job has been going well, coming up on two years. I run a successful gaming website in my spare time. Doing some stuff with the government next month, and getting my NASCAR license in the same town my ex and I went to court in next Friday.

She'd freak if she found out any of this. Lots of stuff I told her that would happen finally came together. Meanwhile, she sits at home crying to guys (and girls) on POF that I ruined her life and her family hates her because of me.

[acidQ]

It's been 4 months since our last horrible conversation. I am starting to see things more objectively now and I don't really miss her anymore. I still check up her social media though, I hope that at some point I can quit that too and be really indifferent. I used to ruminate a lot and think of ways how I should have answered to her accusations but now I know that it would have made no difference. The most important thing is that I have zero urge to contact her anymore and I'm pretty sure she won't contact me either.

[GlennT]

8 years since my nightmare. Includes a few years here with BPD family. Eternally grateful for wisdom attained, with much pain, but worth every heartache learning here. Now I have no interest in  intense intimacy since her, and it is a good thing. Feeling stronger. Keeping things light. They act and talk a good love-game, and it may take awhile to spot one, but I now can. Thank-You BPD! Advice- It's ok to be uninterested in relationships for years afterward, especially if the pain is deep. Enjoy yourself with whoever gives you happiness.  red-flagTake it easy, and slow. Even now she tries to connect with me still! I ignore her.

[Pretty Woman]

Well I am going to be 3mo no contact as of August 24th. May 24th was the day she dumped me.

I am not sure how I feel. I am in therapy every other week and keeping busy with my house, work, posting on here when I can. I run a social group with 400 people so I am in constant communication with members and event coordinators... .keeping social. I am not sitting at home crying as in the past although I do admit to some depression.

I sometimes wonder if this "is it". I guess that's where I'm at.  She has gone longer than this without contact but I've never had a replacement in-state before. She would leave but come back. It seems as soon as I moved on... .there she was.

This feels different.  It's that not knowing that puts me on edge.

Ive always been like this though. I am a planner, I am a little OCD... .Not knowing... .yeah, that's something I'm personally working on letting go of.

I am seeing just how addictive this all was. Some people do drugs, some gamble... .she was my coke habit. The push pull really conditioned and screwed me up and I see I fed into it. This dysfunctional relationship was addicting.

Trying to come out of this fog has not been easy. I went from resenting my ex to blaming myself for not getting out sooner, when I realized this wasn't working. I was afraid to be alone, however, I already was.

Everyday is a new experience, that's one thing I know for sure. I just try to stay busy... .keep up with friends and family... .and live a good life with new experiences and people.

PW

[valet]

I'm nearly 7 months out of my relationship with my uBPDex.

Generally, I am doing pretty great! I have very few, if no negative feelings toward her and we are working on a friendship. It has been challenging for multiple reasons, but I think it will ultimately be very rewarding when I've learned to fully accept her as a person, as well as my role in the this 'new' relationship.

It has become clear to me, especially in this last month, that I have some issues of my own to work on.