hi sistem welcome to bpdfamily. i'm very sorry for the situation you're in, but i'm happy you've found us. we have a wealth of resources that may help you to understand the dynamics of what you're experiencing.
nobody here can make a diagnosis, but your wife's behaviors do conform to patterns characteristic of BPD. we have a few articles that may explain some elements of what you're seeing:
How a Borderline Relationship Evolves, and
Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. please have a look at those. we also have many articles about communication shyles; here's one to start.
Communication Skills - Validation.
have you considered marital counseling? do you have friends who see what's going on? please keep posting sistem!