Hey GlobalNomad,
That must be incredibly frustrating to be shot down when you are trying to open a frank discussion. Could you post an example of how your conversations go?
Have you checked out the lessons to the right of the page? The SET technique can be very helpful way to have a discussion and to validate your pwBPD's feelings. Win-win!
As for the lack of apology, you'll have to find that within yourself. Make sure to have an emotional support outside out of your r/s.
Thanks rotiroti. It is indeed frustating! I have now read the SET technique but haven't had a chance to apply it yet. So here is an example of how these conversations have gone in the past:
Situation: Dinner with a group of my friends. My BPD gf pulls out her phone and is sitting there looking bored and checking her email. I think this is rude, so tap her gently on the knee, lean over and ask (in a whisper) if she can put her phone away until later. She explodes in a rage and raises her voice at me in front of my friends, demanding an apology, refuses to speak to me for the rest of the night, and later locks me out of my bedroom.
Me: I'd like to talk about our fight last night. I understand you didn't like me asking you to put your phone away, but I thought your reaction was out of proportion. I find it embarrassing and humiliating when you yell at me in front of my friends like that.
Her: It wouldn't have happened if you weren't so rude to me.
Me: I can see how it might have come across that way. But it's no reason to yell at me in front of my friends. Can we agree to hold things like that until we get home next time?
Her: No, you don't get to order me around like that. I don't want to go out with your friends ever again anyway.
Spiral, spiral, spiral... .
