starting to negotiate today...

[momtara]

My lawyer is supposed to call my ex's lawyer today to try to get them to agree to pay 50 percent of a new PC and more specific therapy notifications. He was emotionally abusive to the kids sometimes this summer, pretty abusive in general, but all of a sudden this past week he calmed down - probably because he knew he was over the line when I had to call the cops when he came for his last pickup. At that pickup, I told hte kids they'd see me when they got home and he muttered "They're not coming home," then instantly claimed he didn't say it. So I called the cops.  When he brought them home, he said, "Am I going to get a letter from your lawyer this week?"

I don't really know what we can use to persuade them to agree to a consent order w/the things I want, except that we can go to court to try to get an ex parte order later in the week if they don't- but courts don't always grant them unless there's an emergency. I think it is pretty urgent that the court be aware of his issues. I don't have proof he's off his medicine like last year when our then-PC said he was. Maybe they will want to avoid going to court, though. My lawyer is tough, but my ex tends to manipulate and will deny his summer of harassment.

I am a little worried about what they might throw back to intimidate me, but if I don't do this now, I think I will regret it later. I have to deal with this situation for many years.

So not sure how it will go and if it will drive him bonkers. I've always paid for our PC and everything else in the past. It scares me a little that this could get converted to a regular order and he'll be tense for months while taking the kids, but hoping we can find a way around that.

[momtara]

Well, my lawyer called my ex's lawyer and said that ex has now scared off two parent coordinators, we need a strong PC and ex should pay. We can do a consent order if they're willing to agree to some things. Ex's lawyer is supposed to call my ex today to see what he thinks. Hopefully they will agree to an order getting a new, GOOD PC.

Only thing I don't want to deal with is having to just submit a regular order and wait 28 days (the standard) for it to be heard, only for the other side to put the stupid thing off again and again, all while angry ex keeps taking the kids. If any of y'all have experiences that are similar, I'd love to hear them. I'd be so happy if this all gets worked out fast, but we shall see.

[david]

The way things seem to be working for me. My atty files a petition to the courts. Before we get to court both atty's work it out. I usually get everything I am asking for from my ex. We both sign it and then my atty gets the judge to sign off on it that day or the next. The last two times we have gotten temp orders. However, the last temp order was 10 months ago. Ex is following the temp order so I haven't spent the money to go to court to make it permanent. My ex seems to view the legal process as a boundary she will not cross so that is something in my favor. Your ex seems to test that boundary and hasn't had any real consequences because of that. I don't know how to instill the fear of testing a court order without the court doing something about that. I would try to figure out what would motivate ex to follow the order and , whether in front of a judge of a consent order, put that in writing with his signature. The court can't ignore it then. He seems to be afraid of getting the police involved so I suspect he will not want the courts to force him into something. I learned that being very sure of myself in front of ex has helped a lot. My ex has no real direction and follows her feelings. This confuses me and the kids because there is no consistency. I ignore the drama and stay focused on the kids. It was not easy in the beginning but I am much better at it now.