Where do I start?

[bandana]

About two weeks ago my mother sent me a text, she was drunk.  My mom was diagnosed bipolar, manic and possible split personality when I was younger.  I never paid much attention to that until I could not recover after this text and had to get help this time.  My therapist nailed it I didn't even tell her about my moms diagnoses it happened when I was 5 or so.

I always thought I was crazy, One day my mother seamed to despise me, condescending, jealous, resentful, bashing me to her friends, my oldest child (I had at 17 she got custody of used to blame myself but a couple of years ago I realized I was manipulated.)  The next She loved my, throwing gifts, now money, love my way but it always turned into her regretting it. 

Two weeks ago my younger two and my oldest son were at her house and she got jealous of me, course she was drinking so she started with some horrible text.  But I found that the part that got me was her bashing me to my two younger children.  She waits a couple of days gaffs it off to something i did, and still feeling my stand off ness two weeks later she deposits some cash in my bank account.

Crazy Right?

My therapist said its classic, that I am classic case.  The one trait that hit me the most is one foot ready to bolt at any moment in every relationship even after being married 18 years. 

My question is, Where do I start?  I am overwhelmed with all the info on here.

[Kwamina]

Hi bandana

Thanks for posting this introduction! Having a mom with mental issues can be quite challenging. Your mother has received several diagnoses, has she as far as you know also ever gotten any targeted treatment for her issues? Do you feel like your mother has ever truly acknowledged her issues?

Your mother's behavior sounds quite hurtful, confusing and frustrating. I am sorry you have had to deal with this for so long and are unfortunately still dealing with it. Having a therapist can often really help as you deal with these things. I am glad you have this kind of support.

To help you get started here I suggest you take a look at the Survivors' Guide for adults who suffered childhood abuse. You can find this guide to the right of this message board. The guide takes you from survivor to thriver through 3 major stages:

1. Remembering --> 2. Mourning --> 3. Healing

Each stage consists of 7 steps. When you look at the Survivors' Guide, where do you feel you are now? Are there any specific issues listed there that you currently find yourself working on or would like to work on?

[bandana]

No she never has acknowledged it or received treatment, only went because my grandparents we threatening to take me.  My grandfather causing her issues.   She just self medicates.

Thank you for the guidance, that is where I am starting.

[Kwamina]

No she never has acknowledged it or received treatment, only went because my grandparents we threatening to take me.  My grandfather causing her issues.   She just self medicates.

It's unfortunate that she doesn't acknowledge her issues. She hasn't been officially diagnosed with BPD, but when I consider people with this disorder, some of them have been able to better manage their difficult thoughts and emotions. As a result their behavior have improved, sometimes even drastically. However, for this to happen, it really is crucial that the person fully acknowledges his/her issues and fully commits to working on them. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be the case with your mother (or mine for that matter).

Take care and I encourage you to keep posting here. Welcome to bpdfamily