Contact broken and I clearly see the "need"

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Out of a short but intense rs with a upBPD. I've been NC but it's been hard and 2 days ago my exgf dropped off some books and mail at my place. She just dropped them at the doorstep and left, however texted me so I said thank you. That led to a conversation over the next day and a half where I really felt like I was able to get some things off my chest. She cursorily apologized for "anything" that she did to hurt me and said she just wasn't relationship material and wanted to be friends. Even said if I wanted to I could come over and hang out and have sex. I said I can respect that she feels she's not relationship material however I am not over "us" and can't pretend to be friends. Well, I guess there was a part of me that hoped she would be able to respect how I feel, I was hopeful anyway. However, she must have been in one of her needy periods. She blasted me for not wanting to come over for sex. When I said I just can't separate what we had with sex at the moment it seemed like she understood and then about an hour later, I guess after stewing, she was angry and directed it all towards me. I didn't want to come over for sex at her beck and call - literally haven't seen her in 6 weeks and barely talked yet I should just jump because she's horny, lonely and I'm available - and so that was reason enough to show I'm not a good friend, would be sucky company for her anyway, the sex was horrible anyway, blah blah blah - all like dealing with a 3 year old who didn't get her way.

For once, and maybe I'm learning here, I just said she was not being very nice at the moment so I was calling it a night, I thanked her for talking with me earlier (since now all she was doing was talking AT me) and that was it for me. I got one more mean text and then nothing. Who knows if she's done with me. But I could really see the selfish motivation over the last day and a half, it was like talking to a different person. She's the same, I just see her differently now. It's sad but at the same time it feels pretty good, almost like I can put this behind me if I just keep moving forward.

I'm not really tempted to reach out to her anymore (at the moment) and really feel betrayed by the entire thing right now. I could see that there was no care for how I was feeling, what I was going through, my own heartbreak was unimportant to her, all the same stuff that was evident in the relationship - no care for me or my feelings unless they were in alignment with hers. It was nice to be able to say a few things I'd been holding in, letting her know even though she could care less. It was just eye-opening to see the need, it was like I was talking to her need rather than a person. When that need didn't get fulfilled, look out.

[scgator]

Out of a short but intense rs with a upBPD. I've been NC but it's been hard and 2 days ago my exgf dropped off some books and mail at my place. She just dropped them at the doorstep and left, however texted me so I said thank you. That led to a conversation over the next day and a half where I really felt like I was able to get some things off my chest. She cursorily apologized for "anything" that she did to hurt me and said she just wasn't relationship material and wanted to be friends. Even said if I wanted to I could come over and hang out and have sex. I said I can respect that she feels she's not relationship material however I am not over "us" and can't pretend to be friends. Well, I guess there was a part of me that hoped she would be able to respect how I feel, I was hopeful anyway. However, she must have been in one of her needy periods. She blasted me for not wanting to come over for sex. When I said I just can't separate what we had with sex at the moment it seemed like she understood and then about an hour later, I guess after stewing, she was angry and directed it all towards me. I didn't want to come over for sex at her beck and call - literally haven't seen her in 6 weeks and barely talked yet I should just jump because she's horny, lonely and I'm available - and so that was reason enough to show I'm not a good friend, would be sucky company for her anyway, the sex was horrible anyway, blah blah blah - all like dealing with a 3 year old who didn't get her way.

For once, and maybe I'm learning here, I just said she was not being very nice at the moment so I was calling it a night, I thanked her for talking with me earlier (since now all she was doing was talking AT me) and that was it for me. I got one more mean text and then nothing. Who knows if she's done with me. But I could really see the selfish motivation over the last day and a half, it was like talking to a different person. She's the same, I just see her differently now. It's sad but at the same time it feels pretty good, almost like I can put this behind me if I just keep moving forward.

I'm not really tempted to reach out to her anymore (at the moment) and really feel betrayed by the entire thing right now. I could see that there was no care for how I was feeling, what I was going through, my own heartbreak was unimportant to her, all the same stuff that was evident in the relationship - no care for me or my feelings unless they were in alignment with hers. It was nice to be able to say a few things I'd been holding in, letting her know even though she could care less. It was just eye-opening to see the need, it was like I was talking to her need rather than a person. When that need didn't get fulfilled, look out.