Does your job enable your healing journey, or harm it, or neither?

[Sunfl0wer]

Hey guys!

I'd like to hear what others think about if their work helps healing, or doesn't, or hinders it?

I find myself trying to be aware of the healing potential in my interactions with others.  So because we likely spend most of our social interactions in the work environment, I wonder how others view this.

Often different opportunities are around me regarding work and I find myself considering them in terms of not just earning potential, but also if I feel they will promote, support or hinder my own overall self growth goals.

I'd appreciate hearing others thoughts on how their work affects their healing journey?

Do you consider your healing journey when making work related decisions?  How so?

(For ex: Maybe you are depressed and choose an upbeat atmosphere... .and such... .that kind of thing)

TIA!

[joeramabeme]

Hi Sunflower

Good question as we do spend a lot of our time at work.  Generally speaking, I think my work environment ranges from neutral to unhealthy but not healing.  In fact, part of what is needed is a very detached approach.  Since I enjoy being passionate about what I do, I am sometimes at odds to do what is "right" versus what is "best". 

I work in an office setting and politics play a big role there.  I find it difficult to have to try and interpret what is needed to be said versus what should be said.  The people who seem to do best are the ones that are good at figuring out what someone else wants by analyzing what they say and how they said it etc. 

Coming from a home and r/s with pw-BPD traits I find this draining and somewhat unpleasant.  Think I could be a lot further up the ladder if I played along but have made a conscious decision to integrate my out of work experiences in to work experiences.

Overall I would probably do better in less political work environment but I am fortunate to not have to dive in too deep to get my job done and I do like what I do.

[SurfNTurf]

My job enables my healing journey; I feel tremendous autonomy, validation, and independence. I am very fortunate to work with a positive group of people who are intelligent, hard working, creative and make me laugh all day at work - which I seldom get to do at home. If my work environment continues as it is now, I would be willing to work past retirement age just for the good vibes I get all day. I am so fortunate to be at this stage in my career, b/c in the career climb I was in many less than pleasant environments.

[valet]

Since I got home I've been working at the cafe that I used to before slinging coffees and stuff. It's definitely helped me. Lots of new people to talk to; lots of difficult situations with costumers that require emotional restraint; it's physically exhausting, which means that on the days that I work I just wanna go home and relax afterwards. My mind just isn't so busy anymore, and when it is it is usually thinking about positive stuff (books to read, stories to write, songs to make, friends to see, things to do, etc).

I wasn't working for a few weeks and it really took its toll on me. I had nothing that just imposed itself on certain days of the week. There was no routine and I was going mad thinking and thinking and thinking about everything!

At times, I have really felt that I am just not attuned to society. Like I have to suddenly relearn the rules for interacting with people. Working tests those thoughts. When I am myself, talking to people, and having fun, it builds the confidence needed to be like 'hey, you didn't forget anything! you're that same old person from before, you just know a little bit more about stuff now!'.

This is just to pay the bills, but I would say that I considered how it would affect me and I chose to do it over other things. The next big challenge will be starting up grad school. That was a very conscious choice to get me away from destructive behaviors and into positive ones instead. But yes, there is always intention. It is our responsibility to recognize are needs and fulfill them as well as possible, in my opinion.

[Sunfl0wer]

Thank you for your thoughtful replies guys!

Having several different views and things to consider is quite helpful, and greatly appreciated!

I love and thrive when being challenged appropriately.  I love learning and trying new things.  So I need to think about what I want and balance that out somehow.  I am currently faced with three different directions to take my work and branch out a bit and also possibly completely change my work day experience.  I do not want to enter a situation where I am surrounded by “invalidating” persons all day.  However, I wonder if this would be a nice learning challenge, or maybe not.

I do not want to stay with where I am because:  It may be comfortable to do so.  I do want to put the effort into thinking this out vs acting by default.

However, getting out of my comfort zone to emotionally grow is certainly just one consideration, among many other things to consider.

Sometimes I feel that I “overwork” and hide in my work by putting in too many hours as a way to cope.  I excuse this by saying to myself, well, if I work 6-7 days a week, then I’m being productive, not drinking, not being depressed, etc.  I also realize while this is healthier than other coping mechanisms, it also is not the healthiest option for more growth for me and clearly a method of escape.

So, I can sit down with my numbers, calculate the income benefits.

However, it is very hard to weigh potential health, emotional health benefits as well of different options.  I am thankfully able to keep mulling for the next several weeks.

[Sunfl0wer]

Thank you Joeramabeme,

Doing what is “right” vs “best” and what is truest to my own values is also often a continuous challenge for me.

I work in an office setting and politics play a big role there.  I find it difficult to have to try and interpret what is needed to be said versus what should be said.  The people who seem to do best are the ones that are good at figuring out what someone else wants by analyzing what they say and how they said it etc. 

Coming from a home and r/s with pw-BPD traits I find this draining and somewhat unpleasant.  Think I could be a lot further up the ladder if I played along but have made a conscious decision to integrate my out of work experiences in to work experiences.

For me, I find I do rather well in “hearing” what a person expects and wants.  What is difficult is actually not hearing this.  Sometimes I wish I could turn off my awareness of subtle dynamics and spare myself the stress of even processing this.  This is both the gift and curse of PTSD hypervigilance.  It sometimes really stresses me to hear petty interpersonal stuff and nonsensical politics, and also to hear negativity.  I wonder if it would help me more to avoid this stress or learn to desensitize and cope with it?

[Sunfl0wer]

My job enables my healing journey; I feel tremendous autonomy, validation, and independence. I am very fortunate to work with a positive group of people who are intelligent, hard working, creative and make me laugh all day at work - which I seldom get to do at home. If my work environment continues as it is now, I would be willing to work past retirement age just for the good vibes I get all day. I am so fortunate to be at this stage in my career, b/c in the career climb I was in many less than pleasant environments.

This sounds fantastic SurfNTurf!  I know for me when other areas of my life were feeling unmanageable or stressful, feeling satisfaction from work is what really helped me to hold it all together. Thanks!

[Sunfl0wer]

Hey Valet,

Yes, I like keeping my mind busy on work as well.  It has been especially helpful to cope with the r/s b/u and keep me sane.  I also like feeling I’ve worn myself out at the end of a day often.  The feeling of being utterly worn out reminds me of happy summer days being a kid, playing outside all day long, biking, swimming, etc. until my body just “needs” the bed to collapse into.  Sleeping with my own worn body helps me to not have wandering evening thoughts of feeling alone, and helps feel soothing to sleep.

At times, I have really felt that I am just not attuned to society. Like I have to suddenly relearn the rules for interacting with people.

That is interesting that you mention this…  as I think that is actually what I am most fearful of and both hiding from and also not wanting to hide from.  I feel that I have entered a social comfort zone and I both am interested in learning to interact with another culture of work people, and also quite turned off by and anxious about the whole idea.

Working tests those thoughts. When I am myself, talking to people, and having fun, it builds the confidence needed to be like 'hey, you didn't forget anything! you're that same old person from before, you just know a little bit more about stuff now!'.

I think for me, there is also a fear of judgment.  I expect to be judged in many ways, however, I feel my history confuses and can bring discomfort to some and even discomfort at the ease I have with it.  I see it in the eyes of other people who are simply being friendly.  They just get to asking me “normal” innocent questions… like, where are you from, what about your family.  Almost any typical question for me, that I answer honestly, brings discomfort to those around me.  I am frank and tactful about my replies, however, I will not lie just to avoid anyone’s discomfort. My past is filled with obvious and unavoidable trauma. I can only be just so discreet…and it is obvious that people realize that they are uncomfortable by many life experiences that I cannot avoid in simple conversations. (deaths of family members/ how they died, some other’s locations, and such)  I do my best to keep it simple and move on and help them out of the discomfort... .this goes well... .but they are still left somewhat disoriented.

This is just to pay the bills, but I would say that I considered how it would affect me and I chose to do it over other things. The next big challenge will be starting up grad school. That was a very conscious choice to get me away from destructive behaviors and into positive ones instead. But yes, there is always intention. It is our responsibility to recognize are needs and fulfill them as well as possible, in my opinion.

Grad school sounds like a very positive move!  Good work!