trying to heal

[kelligirl]

Hello Everyone,

I met a wonderful man one year ago. I fell in love with him. He is very smart, good looking, divorced, no kids. I noticed early on in the relationship, he would hang up the phone on me, or cut me off quickly in a conversation if I questioned him about something very minor. Then, he would not answer his phone, he would delete me on Facebook, and just not talk for about 4 weeks. This became a pretty consistent pattern for the last year. Well, I suffer in silence because the silent treatment or indifference has truly sent a message to my deepest level, my soul. It has made me feel bad about myself, creates low self esteem and worth. Sadly, I have so many academic achievements at this time in my life. I have a beautiful family... .but my mind constantly drifts to this pain, this void, and loss when he "disses" me. So, this time, it has gone on for longer than the norm. We have had worse fights, and words said... .but this time, I don't think he is coming back. I miss him so badly... he lives in another state... .I often think about just going to see him, showing up, and being in his arms again... .I just love him... .miss him... .I like his family... .But, I realized his personality disorder as I am a medical doctor... .Yes, that's right, in the prime of my residency... .So, my heart aches, and even though it is getting better... .I often wonder  ... does he think about me ? does he even miss me ? love me ? etc?  When he is in his nice stage, he has done extraordinary things to prove his love... .but I am telling you, he goes South in 1 to 60, and stays there for 4 weeks... .Then he starts back, usually with me reaching out... .but this time, 6 weeks have gone by... .Yes, I count it daily... .and I am worried... .but more importantly... .worried about why an intelligent, beautiful woman is letting someone abuse her emotionally... .I mean, truly it has me worried for me... .I thought I was a strong woman... my friends and family say dump him, my mind says dump him... .but my heart wants to be with his BPD butt... .LOL

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Hi kelligirl, it's good to have you here

It's just so hard to make sense of, isn't it?  Ugh.  Going south in 1 to 60, know exactly what you mean.

It took a long time for me to accept that this was actually the relationship I was in, one where I was not able to get through to him, the hurt and confusion I was feeling and I so wanted him to get it!  Why can't he always be the kind, funny, generous soul and leave all that weirdness behind? 

Well, because he has some pretty strong traits of BPD and NPD, great, and I had no idea how to communicate with him or how to deal, so I was actually making things worse for both of us in the long run.

There is so much information on these pages, kelligirl, it helps to explain so much   At your own pace, read through the Lessons on the right side of this page and chime into any thread you feel speaks to you somehow, or start your own   Ask lots of questions if you're up for it and let your voice be heard! 

We really do get it and understand how emotionally exhausting it can be trying to make heads or tails out of loving someone that can go from 1-60 in the blink of an eye.

You've found the right place