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[unikf]

Hi everyone. I'm happy to have found this place. I am a woman in my 30s with a same age man who has NPD and BPD traits. We both have 2 kids who are with us half time. We're both mental health professionals so understand a lot of what's going on, but sometimes that doesn't make actually dealing with it any easier. When my partner gets dysregulated, things get very exhausting for both of us. We do a pretty good job of shielding the kids most of the time, but I know there are times his withdrawal or my exhaustion affect them. We are both in therapy and are really trying to make everything work. I don't have much social support, and he does tend to isolate me further and use up all my time, so I'm hoping to find some support online. Thanks for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Hello unikf and welcome to bpdfamily

It sounds like you have a really good attitude and understanding of what being in a relationship is like with a person displaying NPD/BPD traits   Doesn't make is a walk in the park everyday, but when you're both working together, it's not thunderstorming all the way back to the car.

In what ways do you notice the kids being affected?

We are definitely here for support; we get it!  I'm looking forward to more of your contributions

[unikf]

I guess I'd say the number one thing I notice with the kids is that my preschool aged daughter is very, very attuned to emotions and gets concerned when I'm feeling hurt or sad. His son who's 3.5 years old struggles a lot to name emotions or use words when upset and can get aggressive or just cries. The older two kids seem less affected, but I do think his 11 year-old daughter exhibits a little more emotional reactivity and black and white thinking even than other 11 year old girls.

We had a good run about 6 weeks ago that lasted for a month or so in which my partner was being less reactive or at least quicker to realize when he was and stop taking it out on me so much. A week with his family has set us back a lot though, and the past week I've been dealing with multiple meltdowns per day. I really hope we get back on track soon.

[ColdEthyl]

Welcome, unikf!

I totally get how you feel about understanding the situation, yet it being exhausting and difficult for you at time. Some of the dysregulations I deal with from my pwBPD I could have avoided, but I get tired of not being heard sometimes and I end up JADEing.

I'm sorry to hear he's having several meltdowns a day. Do you have a good idea of why his family triggers this in him?

[an0ught]

Hi unikf ,

We had a good run about 6 weeks ago that lasted for a month or so in which my partner was being less reactive or at least quicker to realize when he was and stop taking it out on me so much. A week with his family has set us back a lot though, and the past week I've been dealing with multiple meltdowns per day. I really hope we get back on track soon.

Parents can be quite some stressors  

I don't have much social support, and he does tend to isolate me further and use up all my time, so I'm hoping to find some support online. Thanks for listening.

We are here and of course you. But that is no substitute for f2f relationships. Don't let this situation isolate you more.