Anyone else encounter the "Double Message" ?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I remember quite early in the relationship when I knew something wasn't right. I would always feel like ; although we were a couple... I never truly felt she was completely 'mine'

Looking back I can see clearly it was the things she SAID... .and the lack of actions that would back those things up.

I was getting 2 messages at the same time.

And it would AKWAYS leaving me feeling like. I was on some unsteady ground.

I was never in a YES or a NO with her... .it was like some 'limbo' land.

And it always left me trying Harder!

Weird.

[JohnnyShoes]

I remember quite early in the relationship when I knew something wasn't right. I would always feel like ; although we were a couple... I never truly felt she was completely 'mine'

Looking back I can see clearly it was the things she SAID... .and the lack of actions that would back those things up.

I was getting 2 messages at the same time.

And it would AKWAYS leaving me feeling like. I was on some unsteady ground.

I was never in a YES or a NO with her... .it was like some 'limbo' land.

And it always left me trying Harder!

Weird.

[LonelyChild]

Always like that in my r/s with my uBPDxgf as well. It was always in limbo. She always found a reason to break up with me (or rather provoke me into breaking up with her) every 2-3 days. It could be that I didn't say "love you" before we hung up, or because I responded to a female who adressed me, etc. I never knew wether it was really us or not.

[Herodias]

Yes- for sure! Even now he'll tell me he wants his wife back and to come home, but the next day say he wasn't serious!

[Yolanda123]

Totally... .

Once the idealization phase was over, his actions did not match his words. That is what is so confusing in this type of r/s. That is what keeps us there, hoping for the great moments and the great person we fell in love with, to come back. My exBPDbf always told me how much he loved me, that I was the best, the greatest person he had ever met, that he could not imagine his life without me. But his actions - the push-pulling, the circular arguments, the instability, had me feeling like our r/s was so fragile, that no matter what I did or say, he was unhappy and ready to go at any moment. Their emotions are so fleeting, it's impossible to have any stability.

That's a major  whenever someone's actions do not match their words. Let's hope we can all recognize this in the future and walk away.

[LostGhost]

In the idealization phase of about 4 months no. Everything after that yes. Quicksand all the time. The harder I tried and the more I struggled, the faster I sank.

[SGraham]

Definitely. I also had this feeling like we weren't really "together" unless i was spending time with her alone. When we were around friends she was always kinda aloof. I mean its not like i expected her to be all over me when friends were around but its like she was hessitant to even let people know we were a couple. On a few occasions i even got, "wait are you guys dating?" ... .>:[

[lovenature]

Typical BPD behaviour to have a double standard, mine would flirt with guys right in front of me, yet even though I never flirted with another woman, she continually believed I was unfaithful.   

[JohnnyShoes]

That's a major  whenever someone's actions do not match their words. Let's hope we can all recognize this in the future and walk away.

I agree. And Yes... I'm one that went back... Hoping perhaps that maybe... I was Wrong in Reading her... .or that she would get serious and work WITH me... .

But for whatever reason... .it was always a double message. She couldn't SAY she no longer wanted to see me, couldn't give me that closure... .but rather resorted to saying what "I wanted to hear"... But not following through by her actions