Living w/ ex (BPD) partner and co parenting ~

[Gerri_EK10]

I have been in an on and off again relationship w/ a BPD male, "P", for 3 years. In May 2014 I found out I was pregnant at this time we were together. I decided to continue w/ the pregnancy. I broke it off in August 2014 due to his lack of commitment and constant change of attitude and surprisingly this time around he didn't seek to get back together. Due to my health I had the baby early at 28wks and delivered in October 2014. During that winter we had tired to reconcile and continue the relationship but, again there was a lack of commitment and lack of empathy twds me and my feelings. So, during an argument I said "then let's stop trying" and he took that as an ultimate means to an end rather than listening to the whole discussion. Well, we have been living together since March 2015 and now it is September 2015. The last month, month and a half has been horrible! We are not officially together, we live as roommates w/ separate rooms but, raise the baby together yet, he expects to be treated and cared for as a "husband" leaving no room for me. He has been emotionally abusive especially during this last month or so. He has told me how much he hates me and wants me to leave yet, when I research for affordable apts he pulls me back in or pushes me away and acts like a bigger A-Hole! I would move out ASAP but, it's not financially good for me. He has threatened me recently that I have to move out, his parents own the house and says his mother wants me out and so she can rent it out, idk if it is true. I don't like living on eggshells but, I also know how difficult it would be for me to move out on my own. How could I make it bearable for myself? I'm emotionally damaged. I'm stressed, my PTSD has been triggered a lot the last month, I've been having digestive problems w/in the last week and seriously depressed.

I can't move in w/ family (that option is unavailable)

Can't work due to my child's medical needs

We are not officially together as of last winter

I have no friends or family in this area

I only found out recently that he is BPD so, prior to that I thought everything was my fault and felt I needed to fix it

Pls help, any advice is duely appreciated

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Gerri_EK10,



You seem to be caught in a frustrating gray area, trapped. The push-pull behavior is pretty typical BPD. Did you learn that he was diagnosed, or were his behaviors fitting the profile?

Though you're not in a romantic relationship, you're still living together and sharing a child, though I imagine that you are doing most or all of the work. That's even harder with a man who wants you to mother him, romantically attached or not.

In general, your situation has been shared similarly by some members here on the Staying Board-- living with an Ex, co-parenting, and unable to move out at the moment. I lived with my Ex for 4 months, after we were done and she could comfortably move. It was nerve-wracking!

We have communication tools here which can help reduce conflict, calm his emotional dysregulations, and also teach you to assert boundaries in a positive way. Lastly, there is the aspect of taking care of yourself. That often gets lost, and it must be even harder with a child who has medical needs and requires a full-time care-giver. Is your child ok in general, though?

Take a look here to start, Gerri_EK10. These apply to any person with BPD traits (SO, Ex, parent, child, friend):

Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

It sounds like a tough emotional place to be, but when he threatens you that you have to move out, do you feel safe?

Turkish