Feelings now that the NC has been broken

[AnnaBlue917]

I decided to reach out to her via email. I told her that this was my final attempt at contacting her regarding a friendship. See the thing is, she continued to text me and I feel like 2 adults texting is so juvenile. She kept saying things in the text like, she was hurt and how I hurt her and that she still wanted to remain friends. The other TRUTH is, SHE ONLY has ME to GO to in this TOWN we live in because SHE ISN'T from here and she has BURNED through ALL of her PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS!

I emailed her and told her that I can be a friend but that she needed to STOP texting me and have a face to face with me because there are going to be boundaries as far as I was concerned.

She text me and asked if I could STOP by her apartment on my way home from work. When I arrived she looked the same as she always had which was DEAD. I never noticed it as much until now. She has this very FLAT AFFECT and every now and then she will smirk like a child. Surprisingly for me I wasn't all that excited to see her. I kept telling myself the whole time I was headed to her apartment that I wasn't going to allow her to get to me or allow myself back into a intimate relationship with her.

We sat there for a moment and I asked her, why did you want me to stop by? She replied, because I want the friendship with you but I don't want you to contact anybody that I am trying to be friends with .I shook my head and thought to myself here we go again, mind you I only reached out to two people that she befriending the whole 2.5 years.

I let her go on about, how I had hurt her reaching out to this one woman that was just her friend and how unnecessary it was and that she couldn't trust me not to do that again. I listened to her go on about how her family sabotaged her past relationships and that she didn't want to feel like I was doing this to her as well. After she finished here is what I told her.

You and I are no longer GF, GF we are JUST FRIENDS. I AM NO LONGER FEELING RESPONSIBLE for you or TO YOU so do whatever you wish and I am going to do like wise, which means that when I am on the phone and you are in my presence it is none of your business who I am talking too or who I text.

She put her head down. I told her there will NOT BE NOW OR EVER A FUTURE FOR YOU AND I OUTSIDE OF A PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP PERIOD! I deserve someone who I feel like I can trust totally and vice-versa and I will no longer treat you like you are my partner which means, no more late night phone conversations, or keeping the phone lines open, picking up stuff from the store for you, or spending the night at one another's home sleeping in the bed etc. I AM RESERVING THOSE THINGS FOR MY FUTURE GIRLFRIEND!

She then interrupted me raising her voice... .I GET IT YOU DON"T HAVE TO KEEP SAYING IT I GET IT THAT YOU DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN ME AND YOU ARE GOING TO GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE SO QUIT REPEATING IT TO ME!

I had only said it once. I told her I am NOT here to MOTHER you. Any decisions you make, good, bad or indifferent are yours to make and I would not participate in any shape or form in you making them nor am I going to bail you out. I told her she is going to have to be accountable for her own decisions period. I would support her as best I could and if it became too much on me I would take the necessary time I needed to ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!

Before I could establish all of what I was going to do and needed in order to move forward inside a friendship she turns the t.v on changes the subject and ask me if I want to watch law and order. I then said to her, listen , I am going home, I do not wish to watch television. I'm good, are you good? She said yeah I guess. I left. There was NO POINT continuing on, she wasn't listening anyway.

I talked to myself as I left and had to remind myself that this woman is truly SICK in her HEAD and that a lot of her responses she just cannot help.

Later that evening she sent me a text asking me if I had made it home? I told her yes. In the PAST we would text one another after leaving each other's place to let the other know we got home safely. I texted her and told her to enjoy her evening. She sent me a sad emotican and replied ok. The thing is we would remain on the phone at night with one another and it is going on week two that we have not done this. I have no intentions of doing this with her again. I think she knows that now.

MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW... .NUMB is the best way I can describe. I am NO LONGER ANGRY with her, I don't really FEEL much of ANYTHING regarding her at this moment. I am a bit PISSED at myself for wasting my time with this woman but oh well you live and learn.

I SLEPT WELL for the first time in almost 2 weeks.

[Circle]

Good that you've figured out that you can't expect anything from her. Sounds like you are still detaching. Keep on detaching. I'm working on it too.