I havent been on here in quite some time, but today is a milestone for me so I wanted to post an update and hopefully encourage someone along the way. Today my divorce is final!
I never thought I would have the strength to make it out much less survive a divorce. Fear is a very hard thing to overcome and as I read on here so many times, you will know when you get to the point that you are actually ready. There had been a lot of things leading up to the split, but the breaking point for me was when the violence finally started. Everything had always been threats, nothing physical. Then one night about a year ago my exH (so good to put the ex in there) grabbed my face. I told myself then I wouldnt put up with it and if it happened again I would do something about it. In my case things escalated the night he was leaving. I found myself with his hands around my throat. While it only lasted a few seconds before he let me go and left the house, I knew I had to take a stand. I never wanted to him to end up in jail, that was one of my biggest fears. I went with my gut though and filed a police report the next day. I did not press charges, but I did report it. To me, that was a win win. When I told him what I did, he said, of course, that I always blow everything out of proportion. The truth is, I did the opposite of that. I never told him this part. When I first told the police what happened, they informed me that choking is an automatic felony, I didn't have a choice of not pressing charges. I spoke to investigators that day and it was because of my being honest and stating exactly what happened and that it was only for a few seconds, that the police agreed this would not qualify for the automatic felony.
The point of this is, every one has a breaking point and only you can know what that is. Some have lived through worse hell than me, but they eventually find the breaking point and see the way out. YOU CAN DO IT! Believe in yourself and rely on those closest to you.
Everything continued to happen as those on this site have talked about. The harassment began. As hard as it was, I changed my phone number and limited contact to email. Also as said on here, I was very quickly replaced. (I figured, I had always suspected him of cheating, and frankly I was thrilled to be replaced) I do have a soft heart though and every time he emailed about his rough go of things I felt sorry for him, but I continued to talk myself out of it, it was not my problem. And he has had a very rough time, but you know what? He is doing just fine without me taking care of him!
So take this post for what its worth. Theres a lot more to my story, but I never thought I would get out without him ending up in jail or me being more damaged than I am, but it can be done. Keep your head up and keep going! Thanks to everyone on this site who has posted their stories and motivated me along the way. I never posted a whole lot, but I read a ton of stuff!
