Greenleaf, I'm so sorry, what a stressful, confusing, and uncomfortable situation.
I can see where you'd have trouble relaxing and feeling comfortable in your home after that. Do you worry that she'll come back?
It's emotionally triggering to see an ex - especially since she came over uninvited and drunk. It's completely natural to be thrown for an emotional loop. Let yourself feel and process through those feelings... .you will get back to a more centered place. Then you can more easily decide what to do and how to go about it. Don't feel pressured to figure out a plan or do anything right now. Give yourself some time.
You said that you want to let go - you want to move on and grow. You're absolutely right, you can't make her not drink. You can't 'fix' her. It would be nice if we could help the people we love in that way. It hurts to know that they're suffering, and it hurts to realize that we can't just love the pain out of them.
It's hard to let go of people we love. Ending an intimate relationship is painful, period. We want to believe that love alone is enough to make a relationship work. This is actually of the 10 beliefs that can get us stuck and keep us from detaching after a disordered relationship ends.
4) Belief that love can prevailOnce these relationships seriously rupture, they are harder to repair than most – many wounds that existed before the relationship have been opened. Of course you have a lot invested in this relationship and your partner has been an integral part of your dreams and hopes - but there are greater forces at play now.
For you, significant emotional wounds have been inflicted upon an already wounded soul. To revitalize your end of the relationship, you would need to recover from your wounds and emerge as an informed and loving caretaker – it’s not a simple journey. You need compassion and validation to heal - something your partner most likely won’t understand – and you can’t provide for yourself right now.
For your partner, there are longstanding and painful fears, trust issues, and resentments that have been triggered. Your partner is coping by blaming much of it on you. For your partner to revitalize their end of the relationship, they would need to understand and face their wounds and emerge very self-aware and mindful. This is likely an even greater challenge than you face.
~ from the article
Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder Take care of yourself,
Greenleaf. And keep posting. It helps to talk.