The pot still boils.

[chefbruce]

Hi,

So, the verdict is in.

In the criminal trial for DV simple assault and assault with a weapon.  (False allegation)

I recieved an absolute discharge for the Assault, and a suspended sentence for the weapon charge.  I now have a criminal record, and am appealing.

I am appealing the sentence on the weapon charge so if I change institutions I work for, I can pass the screening.  I have a good chance, but it's another $10K.

(I am a combined $66K at present.)

So it goes on, I have access to my 4 yr old son, on Mondays and Tuesdays from 9am to 5pm.  This was a just-to-be-safe order.

Drop off/Pick up as it the daycare my son attends.

I was advised not to go back into family court for more access because of the criminal charges.

UdBPDexw is denying overnights.  I finally have email communication allowed between us, as it had to go through lawyers previously.

I released my family lawyer, as things just weren't going anywhere, and we've been spinning wheels with anything.

All take from opposition, and no comprising at all.

She is still refusing overnights, and rubbing the court order in my face.

My son had a breakdown in my car

He is super apologetic for the smallest things, which scares me, and he recently had a breakdown in my car where he said things like "I can't tell anyone... .I can't.  I can't tell anyone."  He is four, and it was heartbreaking.  I have no power over any of it.

I have it in writing from her that my son has asked to spend overnights with me.  Also, that she has denied access because I had gone on vacation (took a week away to go to mexico, and one to go home for a week.) and that she couldn't understand why I would need to 'skip' time with our son.  (Not that she would have allowed him to come, and I really needed to try and get away.)

I save every scrap of paper.

She is trying to get me into a 3 way settlement with her and her lawyer, where 'overnights will be discussed'. 

Last year at mediation the answer was that I had to attend anger management then when she was satisfied, we could talk about it.

I have never recieved her terms, only 'topics for discussion', and the topics really are off the charts for what she aims to come after me for.

I know it will be more games.  I have no more money as there was only a 30 day window of which to appeal the sentence. 

Our son is developing behaviour problems.  He is really well behaved with me and the ex, but in social situations or with other people, he is becoming violent, defiant, only doing what he wants to do, spitting out food on the table that other people serve him etc.

I am meeting a counsellor for him tomorrow.  The settlement meeting is on Friday, of which if we can even get to the subject of overnights.  (I'm thinking they'll try to keep that for the end of the meeting as to be the carrot (my son) in front of the donkey--me.)

If I went into court, I could get overnights, I'm sure.  I don't really have representation, just a lawyer on consult now.

Anyone have any thoughts?

[ForeverDad]

I would agree to appeal the conviction, (1) she did it as her excuse to block your parenting and (2) it impacts your work or career options.

Does your state allow convictions to later be expunged?  Does it include weapons convictions?  If so, then even if the appeal fails then at some future time you could file for expungement.  Your lawyer should have advised you whether that is a possibility in your state (link here).

Since she likely won't agree to anything anyway, it probably would be best for you not to agree to anything less than 'standard' alternate weekends with overnights unless there is a very specific schedule for increased parenting that she can't easily sabotage.  Why?  It is so very hard to undo agreements.  Orders, a little easier.  Especially if you always maintain that you should have a normal parenting schedule.

[maxen]

My son had a breakdown in my car

He is super apologetic for the smallest things, which scares me, and he recently had a breakdown in my car where he said things like "I can't tell anyone... .I can't.  I can't tell anyone."  He is four, and it was heartbreaking.

i am so so sorry to read that. it certainly does sound like he's learning his reactions from his experience with the other party. it's very good that you'll be meeting with a child counselor. please write back about how that went.

[Turkish]

You say that your son behaves ok with you and your ex (regarding her, do you observe this, or are you told?). It sounds like your boy is being abused. The acting out in public may also be a signal, especially if it's a marked change in behavior from how he used to be. Who else on her time has access to him? It would be prudent to tell the counselor exactly what he said in the car, and let the C take it from there.

[chefbruce]

Thank you.

I spoke to a councelor today.  It was out of her depth for a local parent link.  (Honesty is good.)  She referred me to a couple of play therapy ideas, and provincial mental health.

I did tell the counselor what he said, and I am thinking the same thing.  I'm not there any more to take the brunt of her force.  He really is apologizing way too much for the littlest things. 

As for the little guy's behavior, udstbexBPD said that he behaves great at her home.  I am not legally allowed to go there.

I had not been documenting in a while as there had really been no incidents of note in some time.  I am back at it in force.

[Turkish]

Document his comments in a journal, back-date it. You will demonstrate that you are doing due dilligence with regard to keeping your child safe, even as limited as you are because of the adult stuff. Trust your gut in regards to his behaviors. Parents not trusting their guts is how children can fall through the cracks. You're doing the right thing. I had a specific date journaled three months' previously when D3 (the first time 2) repeated what she had previously said. It helped establish my credibility. Unlike me the first time, you told a professional, which is better. I sat on my hands for almost 3 months, which almost got me in trouble.

[Turkish]

chefb,

How did this turn out?

T.