Previous suicide attempt by pwBPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

 I'm not sure if this stuff is ok to talk about here. I know it can be a trigger for some people. Please direct me to any relevant guidelines.

2.8 years ago my fiancé made his second suicide attempt in our relationship. The first one happened a few months into the r/s before we met in person. It was directed at me, he sent me a photo of the pills he was going to take, blamed me, called me names, so I called the police in his state and they went and picked him up. They brought him to the emergency room. When I talked to the emergency room doctor on the phone he told me he had alcohol on his breath. My fiancé still denies that to this day. He ended up staying in a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks. He maintains to this day that suicide attempt was due to a blood pressure spike. When I told my therapist at the time he said that sounded odd. Later my fiancé said he did this because he didn't like his options.

I remember the date this happened and there was an incoming parents event going on at the high school. My fiancé tried to FaceTime me when I was at the actual event itself. When I got home things really escalated and that is when he sent me the pics of the pills and I called the police. My daughter was home and she witnessed me making this phone call although I tried to keep it away from her by making the phone call on the front porch. I was traumatized by this for a long time. In addition previously my daughter had witnessed me calling the police on her father multiple times when he tried to force his away into my apartment after I asked him to leave. I do have PTSD and have been successfully treated for it.

Does anyone have a similar story they would like to share?

[unicorn2014]

 I'm not sure if this stuff is ok to talk about here. I know it can be a trigger for some people. Please direct me to any relevant guidelines.

2.8 years ago my fiancé made his second suicide attempt in our relationship. The first one happened a few months into the r/s before we met in person. It was directed at me, he sent me a photo of the pills he was going to take, blamed me, called me names, so I called the police in his state and they went and picked him up. They brought him to the emergency room. When I talked to the emergency room doctor on the phone he told me he had alcohol on his breath. My fiancé still denies that to this day. He ended up staying in a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks. He maintains to this day that suicide attempt was due to a blood pressure spike. When I told my therapist at the time he said that sounded odd. Later my fiancé said he did this because he didn't like his options.

I remember the date this happened and there was an incoming parents event going on at the high school. My fiancé tried to FaceTime me when I was at the actual event itself. When I got home things really escalated and that is when he sent me the pics of the pills and I called the police. My daughter was home and she witnessed me making this phone call although I tried to keep it away from her by making the phone call on the front porch. I was traumatized by this for a long time. In addition previously my daughter had witnessed me calling the police on her father multiple times when he tried to force his away into my apartment after I asked him to leave. I do have PTSD and have been successfully treated for it.

Does anyone have a similar story they would like to share?

[Daniell85]

Not a partner, but a family member. When I was a kid, this person killed themselves in front of me. Sort of. They were dead for about 5 minutes. Help arrived very quickly, and they were airlifted and spent 6 months in a psychiatric facility.

They are better these days and have gone on to find some peace in their life and married a really good person last year.

As for me, since I was about 12 years old, I was shocked. Emotionally I felt numb. Stunned. When I think about it, I feel like I am standing on a cliff and looking down on this great empty space. I literally don't know how to feel about it. My thoughts are mostly compassionate.

[maxsterling]

Back in May, W was very much dysregulated, taking actions toward self-harm and talking about killing herself (and me).  She took the whole bottle of her remaining xanax, I called police.  She hit me in the back of my head with her phone in her clenched fist, and I left for the protection of another room.  Paramedics took her to the hospital.  They asked me how many pills she took.  I gave them an estimate as to how many were in the bottle.  The paramedic then told me it was good I called as soon as she took the pills, because had there been any delay, the medicine would have entered her blood and it would have damaged her liver, and she would have died a slow death.  I still have nightmares and flashbacks about this event.

[Daniell85]

maxsterling 

[Kwamina]

Hi unicorn2014

I'm not sure if this stuff is ok to talk about here. I know it can be a trigger for some people. Please direct me to any relevant guidelines.

It's ok to discuss this here. It's an unfortunate reality that certain people with BPD have suicidal tendencies and sometimes end up making actual suicide attempts.

Do you currently still worry that he might suffer from suicidal ideation?

Later my fiancé said he did this because he didn't like his options.

Could you elaborate on this, what was the context? What did he mean exactly when he said he didn't like his options? What options didn't he like?

I was traumatized by this for a long time. In addition previously my daughter had witnessed me calling the police on her father multiple times when he tried to force his away into my apartment after I asked him to leave. I do have PTSD and have been successfully treated for it.

I totally understand why something like this would traumatize you. It's very unpleasant hearing someone make a suicide threat, especially when they also blame you for their behavior.

I am glad you've gotten successful treatment for your PTSD.

Take care

[Meadowslark]

My BPD sister has attempted suicide several times. Once, she made a big display of threatening to slice herself up with razors, then was angry that Mom had taken her to the hospital. She still blames Mom for this attempt as far as I know.

More recently, like your fiance, unicorn2014, my sister was triggered by something online in January of this year and broadcast to several people online that she was taking X number of Y pills and making a big show of it. One of the people she was broadcasting this to was painted black and the center of the blame for whatever the triggering event was. This person, I'll call her K, texted me with screenshots, asking what to do. I told her to call 911 but she didn't, so I did. The paramedics picked her up and she stayed in the hospital for 10 days, I believe. That was when she was diagnosed with BPD and recommended DBT.

Shortly thereafter, she flew in one of her online friends and had Friend help her pack up and move across the country. She made every excuse not to do DBT, and has now crashed her car twice (purposefully, I believe) and school is supposedly starting soon. This is typically when BPDsis goes off the deep end. I've been NC with her for almost 10 months now. I'm sure mom will hear about the next attempt soon.

I don't understand the broadcasting tactic. Is it to cause pain? Attention? Like when unicorn2014's fiance texted her pictures of the pills, my sister did something similar. I have no idea why.

[sweetheart]

Hi unicorn2014, 

I am so sorry for what you have experienced and I can understand feeling traumatised by it.

My dBPDh attempted suicide four times between March 2013 and April 2015, he also during this time doused himself in lighter fluid causing awful burns to his genitals in an attempt at self-immolation. But for the quick intervention of emergency services he would be dead now. He was hospitalised for all but one of these episodes. He was seriously dysregulated throughout pretty much all of this time.

I remember coming to this site not realising I was suffering from the effects of trauma, I now realise I was in a state of shock. I was on autopilot. It took me months to process why i was responding to things the way i was. I used to jump when the door knocked, phone rang, I couldn't sleep for fear he would die. I had really awful night terrors for about a year. I had intrusive thoughts and images of him on fire, or lying dead somewhere.

Our s7 has also seen and heard things, albeit indirectly, that most children will never be exposed to. I regret that I couldn't protect him from it all.

Eventually and slowly I let go of the belief that I could make my h better, that was the beginning of getting better for me.

Ironically by letting go of the magical thinking and the compulsion to fix him was like a kind of epiphany, it changed our lives, but that's another post.

[unicorn2014]

Back in May, W was very much dysregulated, taking actions toward self-harm and talking about killing herself (and me).  She took the whole bottle of her remaining xanax, I called police.  She hit me in the back of my head with her phone in her clenched fist, and I left for the protection of another room.  Paramedics took her to the hospital.  They asked me how many pills she took.  I gave them an estimate as to how many were in the bottle.  The paramedic then told me it was good I called as soon as she took the pills, because had there been any delay, the medicine would have entered her blood and it would have damaged her liver, and she would have died a slow death.  I still have nightmares and flashbacks about this event.

Maxsterling, thank you for sharing. I think my experience was only less dramatic simply because it was long distance. My fiancé went out in the snow to escape the police so he ended up getting frostbite.

[maxsterling]

Part of the reason this still haunts me is because I feel there has been little to no acknowledgement from her end as to the seriousness of this.  In fact, she blames me for it.  She says she attempted because I called police.  She also says it has to do with where we live.  Considering she moved to live with me, I tend to take those comments personally.

[unicorn2014]

Hi unicorn2014

I'm not sure if this stuff is ok to talk about here. I know it can be a trigger for some people. Please direct me to any relevant guidelines.

It's ok to discuss this here. It's an unfortunate reality that certain people with BPD have suicidal tendencies and sometimes end up making actual suicide attempts.

Do you currently still worry that he might suffer from suicidal ideation?

No, he is now on medication. That was one positive result of him staying in the psychiatric hospital.

Later my fiancé said he did this because he didn't like his options.


Could you elaborate on this, what was the context? What did he mean exactly when he said he didn't like his options? What options didn't he like?

The context of this was his marriage and location, he was and is still married and living in another state.

I was traumatized by this for a long time. In addition previously my daughter had witnessed me calling the police on her father multiple times when he tried to force his away into my apartment after I asked him to leave. I do have PTSD and have been successfully treated for it.

I totally understand why something like this would traumatize you. It's very unpleasant hearing someone make a suicide threat, especially when they also blame you for their behavior.

I am glad you've gotten successful treatment for your PTSD.

Take care

Thank you!  

[unicorn2014]

My BPD sister has attempted suicide several times. Once, she made a big display of threatening to slice herself up with razors, then was angry that Mom had taken her to the hospital. She still blames Mom for this attempt as far as I know.

More recently, like your fiance, unicorn2014, my sister was triggered by something online in January of this year and broadcast to several people online that she was taking X number of Y pills and making a big show of it. One of the people she was broadcasting this to was painted black and the center of the blame for whatever the triggering event was. This person, I'll call her K, texted me with screenshots, asking what to do. I told her to call 911 but she didn't, so I did. The paramedics picked her up and she stayed in the hospital for 10 days, I believe. That was when she was diagnosed with BPD and recommended DBT.

Shortly thereafter, she flew in one of her online friends and had Friend help her pack up and move across the country. She made every excuse not to do DBT, and has now crashed her car twice (purposefully, I believe) and school is supposedly starting soon. This is typically when BPDsis goes off the deep end. I've been NC with her for almost 10 months now. I'm sure mom will hear about the next attempt soon.

I don't understand the broadcasting tactic. Is it to cause pain? Attention? Like when unicorn2014's fiance texted her pictures of the pills, my sister did something similar. I have no idea why.

Meadowslark, thank you for your reply. I don't know if I would call what my fiancé did a broadcasting technique. He was angry at me. I think he felt abandoned by me because I had an event at my daughter's future high school and I wasn't paying enough attention to him so it was a way of getting back at me. Previously my fiancé has told me my relationship with my daughter is primary. I've discussed this one of my former therapists, about his jealousy. Thankfully these issues are in the past now and he is protective of my daughter when it comes to other people who wish her harm.

[unicorn2014]

Not a partner, but a family member. When I was a kid, this person killed themselves in front of me. Sort of. They were dead for about 5 minutes. Help arrived very quickly, and they were airlifted and spent 6 months in a psychiatric facility.

They are better these days and have gone on to find some peace in their life and married a really good person last year.

As for me, since I was about 12 years old, I was shocked. Emotionally I felt numb. Stunned. When I think about it, I feel like I am standing on a cliff and looking down on this great empty space. I literally don't know how to feel about it. My thoughts are mostly compassionate.

Daniell I am sorry that happened to you, my daughter was 12.3 years old when my fiancé attempted suicide. He didn't attempt it in front of her because he was in another state however she witnessed my response to it. She is much more resilient then I am however and today they have a great relationship.

I am sure that was very traumatizing for you. I do know you said you had ptsd. Do you think that might have contributed? I think that is a great response to have, compassion. I'm still mad at my fiancé for doing that to me. I have a friend who would've walked away after the second suicide attempt. I told my fiancé never again, and its never happened again. I guess I have a little bit of empathy because I had suicidal ideation as a teen but I never acted on it.

[unicorn2014]

Hi unicorn2014, 

I am so sorry for what you have experienced and I can understand feeling traumatised by it.

My dBPDh attempted suicide four times between March 2013 and April 2015, he also during this time doused himself in lighter fluid causing awful burns to his genitals in an attempt at self-immolation. But for the quick intervention of emergency services he would be dead now. He was hospitalised for all but one of these episodes. He was seriously dysregulated throughout pretty much all of this time.

I remember coming to this site not realising I was suffering from the effects of trauma, I now realise I was in a state of shock. I was on autopilot. It took me months to process why i was responding to things the way i was. I used to jump when the door knocked, phone rang, I couldn't sleep for fear he would die. I had really awful night terrors for about a year. I had intrusive thoughts and images of him on fire, or lying dead somewhere.

Our s7 has also seen and heard things, albeit indirectly, that most children will never be exposed to. I regret that I couldn't protect him from it all.

Eventually and slowly I let go of the belief that I could make my h better, that was the beginning of getting better for me.

Ironically by letting go of the magical thinking and the compulsion to fix him was like a kind of epiphany, it changed our lives, but that's another post.

Sweetheart, thank you very  much for your response. I am sorry you and your son went through that and thank you for sharing about that. My fiancé made two suicide attempts within the space of the first year of our r/s. The first time I called his wife, the second time I called the police. I told him there would be no third time. My fiancé suffered no lasting damage from his attempt although he did have frostbite for awhile. My d was 12.3 and while she didn't witness the actual attempt (neither did I, he didn't attempt it on FaceTime, merely sent me a pic of the pain pills he had stockpiled) she witnessed me calling the police. She has been exposed to trauma when she 4.5 and I asked her dad to leave and then had to call the police several times because of dv. Her dad has untreated bipolar and sociopathic tendencies but that's for another website. He may or may not have BPD but he is no longer my primary relationship so that's water under the bridge. Perhaps one day I will post on the leaving board about leaving my child's father.   I did give my child's father a copy of the high conflict couple so he could understand what happened in our r/s. 

[maxsterling]

Another thing about the incident with my wife, is that she had two attempts prior to me meeting her, talked about killing herself constantly, and had one hospitalization for suicide ideation about 6 months after I met her.  She's got significant scars up and down her right arm from self harming in her 20s.  Naturally, I worry.  I expressed my worries to her at one point, and she promised and assured me that she would never attempt suicide because it would hurt me.  And then she did.  It was like validation of my worst fears, and I can't believe her promises she will never do it again.

[unicorn2014]

Part of the reason this still haunts me is because I feel there has been little to no acknowledgement from her end as to the seriousness of this.  In fact, she blames me for it.  She says she attempted because I called police.  She also says it has to do with where we live.  Considering she moved to live with me, I tend to take those comments personally.

maxsterling, I understand your distress. My fiancé did not blame me for the attempt. I would not tolerate it if he did. I was very clear with my fiancé about how what he did affected me so I was able to move on from it with him. Obviously it still affects me too as I'm posting about it here looking for peers. 

In terms of what your wife told you about herself, my fiancé told me that when he was in his 20s he would ask himself each day when he woke up why he should live. Yet another thing he didn't disclose to me in the beginning of our r/s, that he was suicidal in his 20s. In my fiance's case he went on medication and is better now, at least in terms of suicide attempts.

I'm very sorry you're going through that. It sounds like your wife is not in any form of treatment?

[SummerStorm]

This is something that still haunts me.  And to add insult to injury, on Monday, I have to attend three workshops at work (I am a teacher), and one of them is on suicide prevention.  I actually considered asking the principal if I could skip going to that one, but I think I'll try it out and then excuse myself to the restroom if it becomes too much.  We've had other presentations on suicide, and the presenters always mean well, but I hate their "one size fits all" approach to it.  My former friend BPD also had a major problem with these presentations. 

My former friend BPD has attempted it twice.  She also cuts and has scars all over her wrists and arms, as well as a few on her neck. 

She didn't say much about the first attempt, other than to say that she was a few minutes away from dying.  That was during her first semester of college.  She then took a semester off and changed colleges. 

Her second attempt came back in June.  The day before, we actually had the most pleasant conversation we'd had in weeks.  It was the longest time we stayed after work (we don't work together anymore) and just chatted for a long time.  She came to my classroom, where we first formed our friendship and where we ate lunch together several times, sat in my chair, teased me and joked with me.  It was great.  Eerily, the last thing we talked about before leaving that day was a student, and my former friend said, "Yeah, she'll probably major in science and then have a mental breakdown like I did."  She went home, we exchanged a few texts later, and then she stopped replying to me.  Later that night, she began swallowing pills.  Her now ex-boyfriend found her, she walked off and took more, and then he called 911.  Prior to that, she got physically violent with him, and when he took the pill bottle from her, she got even more violent.  A few days later, I visited her in the psych ward.  That's the last time I ever saw her.

After being diagnosed with BPD, she left the psych ward, ended our friendship, continued to smoke pot 24/7, continued to hit/punch her ex-bf, told her ex-bf that he should have let her die that day, stopped going to therapy, broke up with him, found herself almost homeless, finally found a place, and then robbed her ex-boyfriend.  Now, she's convinced that everyone around her is crazy and is denying that she needs help. This sounds incredibly morbid, but my mom keeps telling me to get ready to attend her funeral. 

I really do think that she's only going to get worse from here on out.  For the past few years, she had the structure of college and the prospect of teaching.  Now, she's working at a gas station and will never teach again. 

[unicorn2014]

Summer storm, I'm sorry you experienced that. I think it would be perfectly acceptable to ask yourself to be excused from the suicide presentation if you don't feel like going.