Hi again Peta87
Having a mom with BPD and a dad with PTSD is a lot to have to deal with as a child.
I save her life once she taken so much pills, I remember she was so lifeless in bed. When I was young my Mum can do no wrong, I don't think I ever been extremely angry at her even know she abandon me so many times. At a very young age my mission was to make her a little bit more happy. I didn't understand her disorder, I was to young to understand even my teen years.
Seeing your mother like that and then having to rescue her by itself can be very traumatic for a child. It's horrible that you went through this and that your mother had these great struggles. It's a very sad reality of BPD that some people with this disorder have suicidal tendencies and in some cases actually make suicide attempts. You were still so young so I understand why you would have difficulty making sense of all of this.
She now 28 year old, she have been officially diagnosed with BPD and anxiety disorder. She on medication but she doesn't like talking therapy I think because it's to much a effort for her and her excuse it's never work for me in the past.
Well since she's been officially diagnosed you at least know what you are dealing with. That's the 'good' news. The bad news is that she unfortunately doesn't like talking therapy. Perhaps this will change in time. Certain therapies such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy have been proven to be effective for certain people with BPD.
Do you feel like your sister in any way has ever truly acknowledged that there's something wrong with her behavior? How does your sister feel about her BPD diagnosis, do you think that she really understands what it means and accepts this diagnosis? Or would you say she's in denial about it?
Physically I'm ok getting better. Mentally I'm trying to be strong and try to accept the circumstances I'm in now. Not having my parents at the wedding it's hard enough because they were my world, I love them so much. But now none of my sisters going, I'm hurting so bad. It's feel like I'm grieving all over again.
I am very sorry you are feeling this way. Your wedding is such a huge event and it would be great to have loving family-members there. It's unfortunate that your sisters aren't going and that one of them has BPD. Accepting that a family-member has BPD in many ways does resemble a grieving process. Acceptance means letting go of the 'fantasy' family-member we never had, likely won't ever have, yet deep inside still might long for very much. Do you feel like you've truly been able to accept the fact that your sister has BPD and what that means for the relationship you are able to have with her? Do you feel like you've been able to let go of the 'fantasy' sister?
She been so aggressive toward me since our parents Passaway, no matter what when she need me I'm there for her. I been there huge events in her life and all I want for her is to have a happy life. She verbally and physically abuse me in the past and I always forgive her everytime , just like my Mum.
Being verbally and physically abused by one's own family is very unpleasant and hurtful. You mention her being aggressive towards you since your parents passed away, how did she behave when your parents were still alive? Was she less aggressive back then?
Setting boundaries is something I never done before with my sister, I think I give in to easily. At the moment I'm getting marry soon and I paid so much money on this big day, so my fiancé and I will love to have the best day of our lives. I decided to block her calls and on Facebook. Is that a boundary that I need to take? I'm am getting uncomfortable about it but I don't want to feel more hurt.
Boundaries are primarily aimed at protecting your own well-being:
Boundaries are how we communicate our values to others. A boundary defines the scope of our independent core values. It's is the fault lines on a tennis court - everything inside the fault line is playable. With boundaries, everything in inside the boundary is consistent with our value.
For example, if your independent core value is "always to be respectful of others", would abruptly walking out of the room when someone says something highly offensive be inside or outside of your definition of this value? One person may answer "yes" while another says "no". Our boundaries are often not as obvious to others as we all see things differently. As such, educating and informing others in an important pillar of this life skill.
A significant part of this is the nonverbal communication that we lead by example and practice what we preach.
It will be hard to convince others to respect boundaries that we don't respect ourselves.
To help you set and enforce/boundaries with your sister, I've selected some resources that I think can be helpful to you:
Setting Boundaries and Setting LimitsBOUNDARIES: Examples of boundariesAssert yourself: D.E.A.R.M.A.N. techniqueI'm so worry she will cause more issues before the wedding or on the day I get marry.
Given how she has treated you, I understand why you are worried. We unfortunately can't control our BPD family-members, but what we can do is control our own behavior and prepare ourselves as best as we can for what might lie ahead. I think the resources I've selected can help you with this.
Take care
